Welcome To The Rainbow Guild!
by Roxius
Summary: Bo is forced into a guild for homosexuals when his love for Haseo is discovered! Now, with the members of the guild, he must get Haseo and Endrance to join the group...as well as make Haseo his! Warning:Yaoi and Yuri! Pairings are inside! Alt. End added!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This fic contains both yaoi and yuri! Here are the pairings: Bo X Haseo, Haseo X Endrance, Pi X Bordeaux, Atoli X Shino X Tabby and Silabus X Zelkova. I'll see about continuing this, but right now, think of it as a one-shot, okay?

* * *

Bo stared into the deep murky waters of Mac Anu and let out a sigh. Ever since Saku disappeared, Bo had begun to feel lonely. Even worse, he had no one to talk about the feelings he had for a certain silver-haired man. Bo slammed his fist on the railing and mentally screamed, 'Dammit! Dammit Dammit Dammit! Why…can't I…stop thinking about him?'

Slowly, tears began to form in his icy purple eyes. 'I…just want Haseo to love me…' he thought as he broke out crying, causing several passers-by to give him strange looks. Suddenly, a voice said, "Goddammit, kid! Get off the ground and suck it up!" Bo looked up and saw Bordeaux glaring at him. Bo wiped the tears out of his eyes. He was sick and tired of being pushed around.

He picked himself off the ground and muttered, "Don't talk to me, you bitch…" Bordeaux slapped Bo's shoulder and exclaimed, "What the hell did you just call me?" Slowly but surely, rage began to build up within Bo. He smacked Bordeaux's hand away and shouted, "I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK TO ME, YOU BITCH! YOU GODDAMN FUCKIN' WHORE! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN-" Bordeaux cut Bo off by smacking him against the head, knocking him out.

Bordeaux looked at Bo lying peacefully on the ground and thought, 'I hope the guild master won't mind that I knocked him out…'

* * *

"Bo…wake up, Bo…come on now…" 

Bo let out a small groan and opened his eyes. Slowly, he began to make out the people that were standing over him. Suddenly, a loud familiar voice shouted, "C'mon, idiot! Just open your damn eyes!"

Bo sat up, but quickly fell back when he realized that his head hurt like hell. Bo looked around and realized that he was in a guild's HOME…but which one? "I'm glad you finally woke up, Bo…" said a voice.

Bo looked up and saw Pi smiling down at him. "Pi?" Bo groaned, rubbing his head in pain. Pi handed him a potion and replied, "I'm sorry about that. I keep telling Bordeaux to not be so rough-"

"But isn't that how you like it, baby?" Bordeaux snapped as she drank a whole bottle of Caramel Sauce. Despite his pounding head, Bo still wanted answers. "Uh…where am I?"

Pi giggled and exclaimed, "You're at the Rainbow Guild, silly!" Suddenly, the entrance door slid open and Silabus, Atoli, Shino and Tabby walked in all carrying bags full of items. Silabus noticed Bo and exclaimed, "Hey! So you found us a new member, huh, Bordeaux?"

Bo was completely lost in the dark as the strange group of people began chatting away with one another like they were best of friends. After a few moments, Bo tapped Silabus' shoulder and asked, "Um…exactly what is the Rainbow Guild?"

Suddenly, a faint blush formed on Silabus' cheeks. "Uh…well…it's…um…" It seemed Silabus was embarrassed about the nature of the guild. Atoli pushed Silabus out of the way and replied, "This guild is for homosexuals!"

Bo was pretty sure he lost the feeling in his legs, because he fell to his knees and cried, "YOU GUYS…ARE ALL GAY?!" Atoli nodded and said, "It's all thanks to Haseo, too! Seeing him and Endrance together inspired me to come out of the closet!"

Bo quickly went from horrified to furious. "HASEO IS WITH THAT DAMN BASTARD ENDRANCE?" he shouted, his face turning red. Atoli nervously stepped back in case Bo was gonna go a sudden rampage. After taking a few deep breaths, Bo asked, "Are Haseo and Endrance members of this guild?"

Silabus sighed and muttered, "No. We asked them several times, but they always said 'No'! It's really troubling…" Silabus sighed again. Suddenly, a grunty fell from the ceiling and smacked into Bo's face, sending him spiraling to the ground. "W-What was that...?" Bo cried once he got himself off the floor. The grunty looked just like Silabus, green clothes and long pigtail in all. However, the little grunty looked most queer with the small rainbow badge it wore on its chest.

The Grunty made an elaborate pose and proclaimed, "Welcome, hot stuff! I'm Silo-Grunty, and this is the Rainbow Guild!" Silabus wrapped his hands around Silo-Grunty's mouth and pulled him into a closet. "S-Sorry about that. Silo-Grunty keeps getting out of his cage..." Tabby remarked nervously as loud pounding and screaming came from beyond the closet door.

After a few minutes, the noises stopped and the room was full of foreboding silence. "So..." Bo said, hoping to get his mind off of what just happened, "Have...have any of you found the love of your life...or something...yet?" Slowly, Bordeaux made her way over towards Pi. She wrapped one arm around Pi's waist and the other around her neck. "Well," Pi replied, her face red with embarrassment, "Me and Bordeaux have been going out for the last two months!"

Bordeaux purred gently and nipped on Pi's ear. "You're such a whore..." Pi whispered as she began to move her own hands over Bordeaux's body. Bordeaux gave Pi a powerful kiss on the lips and hissed, "Look who's talking, bitch..." Then, they began to make out. Tabby quickly jumped in front of them and exclaimed, "S-Sorry about that, Bo! They, um, get too excited sometimes..."

"What about you, Atoli?" Bo asked, turning his gaze to the blond-haired Harvest Claric. Atoli's cheeks were beet red as she tried to admit the name of the woman who had stolen her heart. "I-It's Shino!" she eventually said. 'But they look so much alike...it's like having make-out sessions with yourself!' Bo realized as he watched Atoli strut towards Shino, who was also blushing.

Suddenly, Atoli was knocked back by the force of Tabby's fists. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, BITCH? SHINO IS MINE!" Tabby screamed. There was some blood on her fists after punching Atoli in the mouth. Without a second to lose, Atoli jumped on Tabby and wrestled the catgirl to the ground, screaming curse words at her in the process. Shino giggled and exlcaimed, "I love it when people fight over me!"

While Atoli and Tabby rolled around on the floor, kicking and punching each other, Bo turned to Shino and asked, "Does Silabus like anyone?" "Well," Shino began, "I heard he's after Zelkova!" Bo couldn't help but shudder at the thought of poor Zelkova being stalked by a pedophile like Silabus.

Eventually, Pi and Bordeaux stopped making out long enough to break up Atoli and Tabby's fight. Silabus also walked out of the closet, but teeth marks were evident on his face, arms, and legs. Bo let out a sigh of defeat and exclaimed, "I guess...I can join you!" Silabus gave him a hug (PEDOPHILE!) and shouted, "Yes! Now, we must get Haseo and Endrance to join us!"

'And make Haseo mine once and for all! Ha ha!' Bo thought with an evil smirk. Suddenly, Bo realized something else. "How come Piros the 3rd isn't here?" Bo asked. Silabus gave him a weird look and commented, "What do you mean?" After a few moments, Bo just shrugged his shoulders and replied, "It was nothing. Really..."


	2. Chapter 2

_Mac Anu..._

* * *

Bo could barely contain the fury growing within him as he watched Haseo and Endrance share another loving kiss. 'How long must this ridiculous charade go on?' Bo wondered as Haseo and Endrance skipped over to the Town Square, hand in hand. Silabus let out a deep sigh and muttered, "Have you ever seen anything more romantic?" He had a dreamy look on his face like he was watching his favorite soap opera. Bo glared at him and replied, "Yes. Yes I have." 

"So…how do we get them to join us?" Tabby asked, her claws itching for some action. Silabus thought for a few moments, but realized he couldn't think of a single thing. "We could beat them up, like we did with Bo!" Bordeaux suggested. Silabus quickly dismissed her suggestion and continued thinking. 'I don't see why he wasn't angry when she knocked ME out…' Bo thought sullenly.

"Hey…I need to know something, Silabus." Bo asked, "Do you really NEED to force people into joining your guild? I mean, they can make their own choices. Besides, I'm not surprised that you, Bordeaux and Tabby are in this group-"

"HEY!"

"-But people might feel kind of upset that you surround them with other gay people just because they ARE gay! Do you get me?"

Silabus shook his head and replied, "I didn't understand a word you said, except for the part that you're not surprised that I'm gay…asshole." Bo just shrugged in response and went back to watching Haseo and Endrance make kissy-faces at each other. During that time, Pi and Bordeaux had taken the chance to run off and have some sweet cyber sex somewhere.

After a few hours, Bo realized that Silabus' plan was going nowhere fast. If he HAD a plan, that is. "M-Maybe…we could try asking them again?" Silabus suggested nervously. Tabby slapped Silabus in the back of the head and shouted, "WE ALREADY TRIED THAT TEN TIMES, YOU IDIOT!" "YOU CAN'T TREAT ME LIKE THAT! I'M THE GUILD MASTER!" Silabus cried, tears forming in his eyes.

"Why can't we all just get along?" Shino asked, tears forming in her eyes as well.. Tabby pulled Shino into a hug and whispered, "I'm so sorry, Shino-chan. I promise I'll be better..." Their little moment was cut short when Atoli grabbed Tabby into a headlock and wrestled her to the ground. Bo let out sigh and thought, 'These guys are complete nutjobs!' Suddenly, a voice said, "Uh...what are you doing?"

It was Zelkova, and he was holding a ice pop in his hand. Bo suddenly remembered that Silabus was after Zelkova, so he tried to warn the Flick Reaper boy to run away before it was too late. Unfortunatly, Silabus pushed Bo out of the way and exclaimed, "Oh, Zelkova-chan! I'm so HAPPY to see you!" Zelkova took a single lick of his ice pop and asked, "So...what'cha up to?"

"Whe're trying to get Haseo and Endrance to join our guild!" Silabus replied in a high-pitched voice that was quite unlike him. Zelkova nodded like he understood and asked, "What's this guild of yours about?" Atoli was about to scream out that it was for homosexuals, but Silabus placed a hand over her mouth and replied, "Our guild is supposed to be made up of homosexuals! It's called the Rainbow Guild! We're going to show people that gay people aren't all flowers and sunshine! We'll show them that we can be emo, too!"

Zelkova finished off the rest of his ice pop in a single gulp and replied, "I can dig that." Silabus went into fangirl mode and squealed, "HE SAID HE COULD 'DIG IT', BO! HE SAID HE COULD 'DIG IT'! ISN'T HE SO SEXY?" Bo just rolled his eyes and muttered, "Yeah...he's one sexy bastard..." Zelkova looked over at Haseo and Endrance and said, "Maybe I can get them to join for you..." "Then you'll finally accept my love for you?" Silabus cried hopefully. Zelkova just chuckled and replied, "Don't be an idiot. Just sit back and let me handle Haseo and Endrance..."

'I wonder what Zelkova will do!' Bo thought as Silabus cried slightly into his shoulder. Zelkova walked over to Haseo and Endrance, who were busy feeding each other sushi, and said, "Yo, dudes! What's up, my gay homies?" Endrance gave Zelkova the death glare and hissed, "What do you want, you ugly rat?" Haseo smirked slightly and replied, "Now, now, Endrance! Be nice to the little boy? So...what do you want, Zelkova?"

Suddenly, Zelkova did something that no one expected. He grabbed Haseo by the shoulders, brought him close, and kissed him on the lips. 'I'm so gonna fuckin' kill him!' Bo mentally screamed. Silabus lost consciousness and Endrance was in pure shock. Poor Haseo, unfortunately, felt he had just been raped by a five year-old. He pushed Zelkova off of him and shouted, "W-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Zelkova licked his lips and replied, "That...was an invitation to the Rainbow Guild! There's a certain boy there who really wants to be with you..."

Haseo bonked Zelkova on the head and shouted, "THERE'S NO FUCKIN' WAY I'M JOINING THE RAINBOW GUILD! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE BEFORE I KILL YOU!" And with that, Haseo and Endrance logged out. Bo felt his heart had broken in two. 'Haseo...' was the only thought that went through his mind as he logged out as well, leaving Silabus alone to weep. Suddenly, Zelkova went over to Silabus and said, "I guess...I can join you guys..." Silabus' eyes lit up and he pulled Zelkova into a hug.

For the rest of the night, Bo couldn't stop thinking about Haseo and Endrance fooling around with each other. 'I will make Haseo mine! I SWEAR IT!' Bo mentally declared, his burning passion for Haseo growing bigger by the minute.


	3. Chapter 3

"_Get the hell away from me…" _

_"But, H-Haseo-chan, I-" _

_"Shut up! I don't love you!" _

_"!!!" _

_"You're nothing but a stupid gay brat who can't keep his hands to himself!" _

_"H-H-Haseo, I-" _

_"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP! I DON'T LOVE YOU, DAMMIT! I'LL NEVER LOVE YOU!" _

_"WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?" _

_"Because you're not worth it…" _

_"………No……no……no no no no no no….NO!!!!" _

_"THAT'S IT! SAY GOOD NIGHT, YOU DAMN ABOMINATION!" _

_"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" _

* * *

Iori Nakanishi (Sakubo's player) sat up in bed in a start. Sweat was rolling down his face and his heart was pounding. He sat back in bed and felt tears forming in his eyes. 'Haseo-chan…doesn't love me…' he thought sadly as he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

* * *

When Bo logged into 'The World', he was so tired he could barely stay awake at the controls. Five times his sleep was disturbed by the same horrifying dream: Haseo not returning Bo's feelings of love. Bo let out a sigh as he entered the Rainbow Guild Headquarters and wondered if he should have just stayed in bed today. Suddenly, something small and green flew through the air and landed a powerful kick to Bo's face, sending him spiraling to the ground.

The mysterious attack landed on the floor, revealing itself to be none other than Silo-Grunty! "What the hell are you doing here, baby? Who said you had permission to be here?" Silo-Grunty exclaimed. Bo gave the small Grunty the death glare and hissed, "I'm a MEMBER, you fuckin' idiot!" Silo-Grunty punched Bo in the face and shouted, "DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY!"

Bo tried his best to keep his cool as he asked, "Are any of the other members here?" "Well, baby," Silo-Grunty replied, "Atoli, Shino and Tabby are busy playing together upstairs while Pi and Bordeaux are in the closet making out…" Bo got up off the floor and walked over to the closet. When he opened the door, he saw Pi and Bordeaux with their lips locked. A small trail of saliva connected their tongues as they both separated to catch some breath. Bo just sighed and closed the door.

When Bo tried to imagine what Shino, Atoli and Tabby were doing upstairs, only one thought came to his mind: 'THREEWAY SEX!' Bo would have found such a thought to be a turn on if he wasn't so gay. He shook the idea out of his head and asked Silo-Grunty where Silabus is.

Silo-Grunty had a thoughtful look on his face as he replied, "Well, I remember him mentioning something about being with Zelkova-" Bo quickly tossed his hands up and cried, "I DON'T NEED TO KNOW ANYMORE!" Silo-Grunty just shrugged and muttered, "It's your loss, baby."

Suddenly, a high-pitched ringing filled Bo's ears. 'This sound…it…it's so loud…' Bo thought as he fell to his knees, clutching his head in pain. "Ah! W-What's wrong, Bo-chan?" Silo-Grunty cried. Slowly, the ringing grew louder and louder. Bo threw his head up and let out a scream of pain.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

At that moment, the ringing stopped. Then, Bo lost consciousness…

* * *

_W-What happened…?_

_What…what was that noise…?_

_Why does my head hurt so much…?_

_Why do I feel so cold…?_

_Why won't Haseo-chan love me?_

_Why… _

_Why… _

_Why do I smell muffins?_

* * *

Slowly, Bo regained consciousness. As his eyelids began to open, he could make out two figures standing over him. Eventually, Bo realized that Azure Balmung and Azure Orca were looking down at him while eating blueberry muffins. Bo sat up and shouted, "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, DAMMIT?"

"Ah! You're awake!" exclaimed a voice. Bo turned his head and saw Azure Kite holding a tray of muffins…while wearing a pink apron. Azure Kite smiled and said, "I'm so glad you're awake! I thought you were dead for a moment!" Azure Balmung hit Azure Kite with a muffin and shouted, "I TOLD YOU TO STOP MAKING WEIRD NOISES WHEN YOU SNEAK INTO OTHER PEOPLES' GAME SYSTEMS, YOU FUCKIN' RETARD!"

Azure Kite, in response, smacked Azure Balmung across the face with his tray and replied, "WELL, SORRY FOR TRYING TO HAVE SOME FUN! YOU'RE SUCH A JERK! WHY CAN'T YOU BE HAPPY FOR ONCE, DAMN YOU!" Meanwhile, Azure Orca was sitting in a corner, happily eating his muffin. Bo was pretty sure that he had died and gone to hell.

Once Azure Kite and Azure Balmung were done kicking the crap out of each other, Bo finally summoned up the willpower to actually speak again. "Uh…why am I here?" he asked. Azure Kite grinned sheepishly and replied, "Well, we had to kidnap you because we need your advice!" Bo couldn't believe that someone would ever actually need HIS advice.

Bo made himself comfortable on the clear white floor and said, "So, what is it that you needed my help so badly that you had to kidnap me?" Suddenly, Azure Kite's cheeks turned red. He turned his gaze away from Bo's and muttered, "We need help…in asking girls out…"

Bo was completely flabbergasted. His mouth hung open and his eyes grew wide with shock.

'They ask a gay guy on how to get girls?' He wondered as Azure Balmung began stuffing some muffin crumbs into his mouth. Bo quickly regained his composure and said, "Uh…who exactly is it that you're after?" Azure Kite's cheeks became flushed again as he replied, "Well…it's…um…"

Azure Balmung pushed Azure Kite out of the way and exclaimed, "We're trying to get Kaede to notice us! All three of us, I mean…"

'Oh, fuck. This is just great! THIS IS JUST GODDAMN FUCKIN' GREAT!'


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Yes, this story is finally going to continue! Expect new updates of this, and more .hack//G.U. stories, coming up! Also, this is not how I really think of G.U. (As being full of gays), but who says it's not possible?

* * *

'Why me? Why am I always dragged into this goddamn situations? Why do you hate me, God? Why?' 

That was pretty much what Bo was thinking at this point. As he stood there in the realm of empty space, staring at the three Azure Knights, all the young boy could think of to say was, "NO.FUCKIN'.WAY." This was obviously not the answer the zombie guys had hoped for.

"W-What? Why not, dammit? We gave you muffins, for crying out loud!" Azure Balmung exclaimed, crumbs flying out of his gaping mouth. Shaking his head, Bo replied, "Sorry, but you guys are asking for love advice from the wrong guy! I'm gay for Haseo, so I don't know anything about personal heterosexual experiences!"

Staring blankly at the young Shadow Warlock for a few seconds, Azure Kite suddenly scoffed and muttered, "Man, you are so useless..." Azure Balmung and Azure Orca both nodded their heads in agreement. "Now that we're clear on everything, can you send me back now?" Bo asked, slightly peeved on how bitchy the three hacked warriors were being.

"Fine, fine..." Azure Kite snapped as he formed a warp hole underneath Bo's feet, pulling the gay boy into it with incredible force. As he fell through time and space, Bo let out a huge scream that seemed to have had gone unnoticed. Sighing, Azure Balmung turned to his muffin-making companion and asked, "Great...now what do we do?"

Pulling a small cellphone out of his middle(?) pocket, Azure Orca, who had been quite up until now, put it near his ear and said, "...Hello? Is this 'The Worlds' Ethernetz Discharge Council Search System'? I would like to make a call to a certain...Mr. H..."

* * *

Atoli let out a small moan as Shino's tongue gently brushed against her neck. "Oh...oh...Shino...pleasure me..." whispered the blonde Harvest Cleric as their bodies rubbed even harder against one another. Shino let out a purr and pressed her lips on Atoli's, their tongues rolling around wildly in each other's mouths. 

Tabby, meanwhile, was feeling up Shino's tight little ass. It was quite an erotic moment, but it all got ruined when a warp hole formed in the ceiling and dropped Bo directly on top of Atoli and Shino, causing him to accidently press his face against a whole lot of sweaty and naked female flesh.

"B-B-B-B-BO-CHAN!!!!"

"OH, CRAP! NOT THE TASER! ANYTHING BUT THE - AGH, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST TASERED ME, YOU BITCH!!"

"SHUT UP, BO-CHAN! YOU DESERVE IT! YOU RUINED OUR SEXY, EROTIC, M-RATED LESBIAN MOMENT! FUCK YOU TO HELL!"

"AGGGGHHHHHH!!!! AGAIN WITH THE TASER! I TOLD YOU TO QUIT IT!"

Hearing the commotion from upstairs, Pi and Bordeaux seperated from their make-out session long enough to shake their heads and sigh. "Can't those retards ever shut the hell up? Geez!" Bordeaux exclaimed furiously.

Pi smirked at her partner's remark and said, "Look who's talking, Bordea-chan! Remember all that noise we made upstairs after our wedding?" Blushing, Bordeaux turned her head away and mumbled under her breath. Chuckling to herself, Pi reached over and pressed her lips against Bordeaux's once again...

* * *

Kuhn had never felt more depressed as he looked out at the virtual sunset of Mac Anu. Pi and Bordeaux were married, Yata's been missing for the entire fic so far, and he had just switched his insurance to Geico, only to find out it took 16 minutes to do it, not 15 like those asswipes promised! 

'What else could go wrong with my life?' wondered the poor blue-haired man. Suddenly, a large, rainbow-painted van stopped in front of him, nearly running over several bystanders in the process. Unable to speak due to shock, Kuhn just watched as the car door swung open.

The person who had been driving the van in the first place shocked Kuhn even more. It was Sakaki, who had returned to his original AIDAless form. "S-S-Sakaki! LolWhut r yoo doin here?" Kuhn cried, his leet speak getting the better of him. Smirking like the cocky bastard he is, Sakaki patted Kuhn on the shoulder and replied, "I am here...to show you the light, my friend..."

Kuhn was just about to respond when he felt a surge of mental pain flow through him. "AAAAHHHH!!!!" Collapsing to his knees, Kuhn grabbed his head and screamed in pain. Before losing consciousness, Kuhn saw Ovan and Yata slip out of the van and run towards him with large dangling chains in their hands...

* * *

"Haseo..." 

Haseo looked over at his loving partner Endrance and quietly asked, "What is it...my darling?" The two gay men had checked into a 'special' hotel and were currently both naked in bed.

Letting out a sigh, Endrance turned his view away from Haseo and said something so quiet that the silver-haired teen couldn't even hear it. "W-What did you say?" Haseo asked.

When Endrance turned back to look at Haseo, tears were forming in his glimmering purple eyes.

"I'm sorry, Haseo...but I need to break up with you..."

* * *

A/N: OMIGOSH, SO MANY PLOT TWISTS! Well, a plot is ACTUALLY forming now! Is that great or what? 


	5. Chapter 5

Haseo just blinked a few times, unable to fully comprehend what had just happened. "Y-You...you're b-b-breaking up...with me?" cried the silver-haired boy as he watched Endrance climb out of bed and began to get dressed, tears still flowing down his beautiful pale face.

His back to Haseo, Endrance slipped on his shirt as he replied, "I'm sorry, Haseo-chan...but it's true. I am breaking up with you...but not because I want to..." Hearing this, Haseo glared at his former lover as he quietly hissed, "Then...why are you breaking up with me? Tell me, Endrance...or I might have to break you..."

Before, that statement would have been a turn-on for Endrance. But now...he knew that Haseo really meant what he said. Looking over his shoulder, Endrance the tears out of his eyes before replying;

"I'm sorry, Haseo...Sakaki said he would do terrible things to you unless we broke up...I'm so sorry..."

* * *

"OH, CRAP!" 

Those words rung through all of the Rainbow Guild as Silabus looked over at the cost for all the damages Atoli, Shino, Tabby and Bo had caused after their little 'incident'. "What kind of gay guy gets in the middle of a bunch of lesbians having sex?" Silabus asked Bo furiously, who was still a little paralyzed after being tasered so many times.

"I'm telling you," Bo snapped, "It wasn't my fault! I had...I had just accidently fell in there...somehow! Maybe it was a bug or something! Besides, what about you and Zelkova, you pedophile?" Bo knew he couldn't tell the Azure Knights' existence to anyone but the other Chosen Ones, which just made coming up with an excuse a whole lot harder for him.

Instead of being taken aback by Bo's last comment, a wide smile full of pride formed on Silabus' lips. "Well, thanks for asking about me and Zelkova!" Silabus exclaimed sheepishly before going off into a rant on how Zelkova's creamy-smooth skin tastes like vanilla ice cream with a bit of strawberry icing mixed in.

Sighing, Bo took a seat next to Pi, who had Bordeaux laying up next to her reading some foreign novel or something. "I wish I was like you and Bordeaux, Pi-san. You two never seem to have any troubles..." Bo replied sadly, glancing over at Silabus who was now spinning around happily as he pictured his little Zelkova-chan in suggestive positions.

Pi smiled and replied, "You may think that, Bo, but you're wrong.We had alot of difficulties to overcome for both me and Bordeaux to get to where we are today. Like Silabus, we had to go through so much humilation and spite before people would finally accept us for who we are...except in Silabus' case, where people still make fun of him..."

"I can understand that..." Bo muttered. Suddenly, before anything else could be said, Silo-Grunty ran into the room, its little pig face covered in sweat. "I THOUGHT I LOCKED YOU UP, BITCH!" Silabus shouted, instantly snapping out of his 'Zelkova-Rape' mode.

Waving around his little pig arms like crazy, Silo-Grunty cried, "LISTEN, GUYS! I FOUND NEW MEMBERS! I FOUND NEW MEMBERS!" "Is it Haseo and Endrance?" Silabus and Bo both asked hopefully. Silo-Grunty shook its head and replied, "Nope. It's more lesbians...unfortunately..."

Looking over its shoulder, Silo-Grunty motioned two figures in the darkness to come out and reveal themselves. As the two newest members of the guild stepped out of the shadows, Bo's eyes grew wide in both shock and confusion.

Now, standing before him, with big gay smiles on their faces, was Aina, Ovan's little sister...and...

...and Saku.


	6. Chapter 6

Time seemed to have stopped for only a moment...and then it went right back on ticking away once again. A powerful chill crawled up Bo's spine, his eyes still frozen on Saku, who was staring back with the same shocked expression.

"HI! WELCOME TO THE RAINBOW GUILD!"

Silabus was the one who said this, but as usual, everyone ignored him. After a few more minutes of awkward silence, Aina said, "Uh...Saku-chan, are you okay?" It took a second or two for Saku to snap out of her shocked state and quietly reply, "Yes...yes, I'm fine..."

Still a bit unsure what had just happened, Silabus tried to ignore it. "Please follow me if you will, madames...I would like to show you exactly how our guild operates..." Once Saku and Aina had headed into the next room with Silabus, Bo crashed onto the floor.

"Ah! Bo, are you okay?" Pi cried as she ran over to help him up. Tearing himself away from the pink-haired woman's grasp, Bo crawled across the floor and sat there with his knees to his chest. He seemed to have been scared out of his mind from what he had just seen.

Finally, Bo stood up and muttered, "That...that was Saku...that was my sister..." Turning to look at Bordeaux and Pi, his wide eyes seemed to be filled with an incomparable fear...

* * *

Kuhn let out a small groan as consciousness returned to him. Opening his eyes, he saw that he had been tied to a wal in what looked like a very old underground chamber. Next to the blue-haired man hung several rotting corpses of past residents. Rolling his eyes, Kuhn thought, 'Wow...isn't THIS original...' 

Suddenly, the door swung open and Kuhn was bathed in bright light. "I see you are finally awake, Kuhn-kun..." Once Kuhn's eyes had gotten used to the light, he saw that Sakaki was staring up at him with a smug look on his face. Both Ovan and Yata were standing behind him like they were his personal guards or something.

Spitting at Sakaki's head and missing, Kuhn snarled, "So...what are your plans this time, you disgusting green-haired, perverted-named faggot?" Sakaki smirked and swung his fist. For a few seconds, nothing happened. And then...Kuhn's pants fell down.

Realizing what was about to happen, Kuhn's eyes grew wide and he screamed, "HOLY FUCK, SOMEONE SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"


	7. Chapter 7

"What exactly are you planning on doing to me?" Kuhn snapped as he watched Sakaki hand the blue-haired gunner's pants over to Ovan, who then quickly dashed out of the room with them.

Sakaki chuckled and replied deviously, "Kuhn-kun...what do you THINK I'm planning on doing to you?"

Kuhn thought about it for a moment; his pants were removed, Sakaki had this disturbingly horny look on his face, and he was chained to a wall. Instantly, he came to a horrifying conclusion. "YOU'RE GOING TO CYBER-RAPE ME?" he asked.

Sakaki made a gagging sound and nearly choked on his own spit in response. "C-C-Cyber-rape you...?" he cried, "Dammit, Kuhn, I knew you were a pervert, but that's just disgusting! Listen, after what I went through when I cyber-raped Atoli in G.U. Volume 2, that is something I NEVER want to deal with again! Jeezus! You make me sick!"

"But...I'm tired of being a cyber-virgin! All the other guys make fun of me on the forums! Not even the most desperate bitches wanna do me!" Kuhn whined.

"Tough luck, bitch! I'm not going to cyber-rape you!" Sanaki said.

Kuhn cocked one eyebrow. "Then why did you remove my pants, you fag?"

"I'M ONLY BI-CURIOUS, YOU RETARD! And about the pants, they were covered in the blood and tears of your victims. I just wanted to clean them off for you..." Sakaki replied.

"Oh, thank you."

"You're welcome."

Suddenly, Kuhn noticed something odd. "If you're not completely gay...what about Ovan and Yata? Plus, why all these heavily-implied gay actions you keep doing? Don't you have any dignity?"

"Ovan and Yata aren't gay, either," Sakaki explained, "They're just really, really pathetic; Ovan has a dangerously severe loli sister complex that verges on incestual pedophilia, and Yata...he's in love with a computer program named 'Aura'. That's about as low on the totem pole of love as you can get. They are true losers, those two."

Kuhn had to agree with that statement, for sure.

"So...back to the original point, why did you capture me?" Kuhn questioned.

Sakaki brushed back his hair and chuckled; he pulled out a small bottle and, waving it slightly in his hands, he said, "I am going to create...a Yaoi utopia!"

"...Damn, man, you ARE gay!" Kuhn exclaimed after a moment of silence.

"I AM NOT GAY! I am going to turn every PC in 'The World' into a man, even those damn furries...they've had it too good for too long, I tell you! When that happens, they'll have no choice but to be gay! Do you understand?" Sakaki roared. As the angry cult leader spoke, Kuhn was wondering when he would get his pants back.

"Why the fuck do you even want to do all that if you're not gay?" Kuhn asked.

"It's simple, really," Sakaki said, "I just want to screw everyone over in one massive corruption of the net! Hell, this virus I'm working on will even effect World of Warcraft and Final Fantasy XI! No more women for us! It's not done yet, but I keep the virus program inside this little bottle in my hands here..."

"And...you need my help? What the hell can I do?" Kuhn snapped.

Sakaki put the bottle away and said, "Your Avatar's power is what I need. I need at least three Avatars, and I've already gotten all three that I need..."

Kuhn spat on Sakaki's cheek. "Oh, yeah? Who?"

Smirking, the green-haired man licked the spit off. "Well, there's you, and Yata, and I've forced Endrance to join us or else I kill Haseo."

"You just tasted my spit...you are gay, no doubt about it." Kuhn interjected, "But there's one problem, buddy...we can't be forced to use our Avatars. You were able to convince Yata and get Endrance to agree by threatening the person he loves, but I have nothing! There's no one important to me in The World that you can hold hostage! There's no special items I could want! There's nothing!"

Sakaki sighed and was deep in thought for a minute; he thought about Kuhn's personality, actions and words. He reviewed every single word that had come out of his mouth since the beginning of this chapter. Eventually, Sakaki came up with just the thing to bribe Kuhn into helping him.

"Kuhn...if you help me, I will save one female PC of your choice from my madness. Then, she will be made into your personal sex slave. You will no longer be a cyber-virgin."

Kuhn couldn't believe what he was hearing; his life-long dream...the one thing he had always wanted to lose...he was being offered something so great? Without even thinking, he blurted out, "YES! YES, I WILL JOIN YOU ON THOSE CONDITIONS ALONE! I DON'T WANT TO BE A CYBER-VIRGIN ANYMORE, MAN! IT JUST HURTS SO MUCH, Y'KNOW?"

Sakaki couldn't help but grin; all of the pieces of his plan were coming together.

Suddenly, the large door behind him swung open, and Ovan walked in carrying Kuhn's pants; not only were they now clean as a whistle, but he even added that 'new car' smell to them. Sakaki ordered his henchman to untie Kuhn from the wall, and soon he had his beloved pants back on once again.

"So...now we just need the virus program to be finished, right?" Kuhn asked, fully committed to his new master.

"Yes...it's already about halfway complete..." Sakaki replied with a chuckle.

Also, Ovan was busy making sure that a certain log from a certain Abridged series wasn't going to sneak up on him and choke him to death...

* * *

_Back at the Rainbow Guild..._

While Silabus was still speaking with Saku and Aina in another room, the other members of the guild were crowded around a very confused Bo.

"Wait...are you really sure that was Saku?" Atoli asked, "That little girl looked nothing like her!"

Bo stared up at the Harvest Cleric like she was insane. Standing up, he shouted, "ARE YOU BLIND? BESIDES LOOKING A BIT MORE FEMININE, SHE HAD ALL THE SAME FEATURES AT ME; EVEN THE SAME CLOTHES AND EQUIPMENT, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! IT WAS SAKU!"

"But that's not possible!" Bordeaux cried.

"I know it's not possible; she was an alternate personality of my own creation!" Bo exclaimed.

Tabby thought for a moment. "Maybe...The World is reacting to your emptiness, and it ended up creating an NPC version of Saku to make you happy?"

'I wouldn't put it past CyberConnect2 to do something like that...' Zelkova thought to himself.

Sighing, Pi said, "I know this is all very confusing, but I think it'd be best if we try to figure it out later. We don't want to cause any commotion just yet..."

Bo grumbled under his breath, but he eventually reluctantly agreed to keep quiet about questioning Saku's origins until later.

* * *

_In Mac Anu..._

Poor Haseo was stumbling around the town like a sad drunk, grunted and shouting out curse words at random times. This was because he was actually drunk offline, due to the depression of losing his online boyfriend. Yes, dear readers, Haseo is THAT pathetic.

He had lost pretty much all reason to even play The World now that Endrance had left him.

"Oh god...oh god...all of my friends are gay, and Endrance broke up with me to protect me...this really sucks..."

Suddenly, a familiar voice said, "Hey, Haseo! What's up?"

It was Matsu, and close behind him was his "trainer" Antares.

"Ah...hello..." Haseo grumbled, too depressed and drunk to even have a real conversation.

Matsu took a good look at his friend and said, "Damn, Haseo, you look totally miserable! And I know miserable! I played 'Harry Potter: Quidditch World Cup' on the GBA! So tell me us what's wrong and we'll see if we can help!"

Haseo sighed. "Well, all of my close friends are gay, my boyfriend broke up with me to protect me from the leader of some cult, Geico takes 16 minutes to set up instead of 15, I have bladder problems, and I'm naturally emo."

Matsu smiled. "Damn, you ARE depressed! Anyway, see ya!"

And he and Antares ran off to leave Haseo to grieve once again...

* * *

_Meanwhile, back with the Azure Zombie guys..._

"So...who was that guy you called up, Azure Orca?"

"You mean Mr. H?"

"What kind of name is Mr. H? Does it mean 'Mister Hentai' or something?"

"No! It's..."

"Holy crap, it's not that bastard Hiiragi, is it?"

"...How'd you know?"

"Why in Madonna's frilly-laced stockings did you call him?"

"Well, he was friends with Kaede; they were both part of MoonTree, remember? I thought he could tell us some personal stuff about her so we can appeal to her interests..."

"Damn! I wanted to show her this youtube video of a kid being run over by a car! It's really funny!"

"...For the love of god, never show her that video, okay?"

"Fine! I won't! Don't need to be such a pissy bastard!"

"I'm going to say 'sigh' outloud...SIGH."

"Wow...how skillful."

"I KNOW, RIGHT?"

"...yup."

"...hmm-hmm."

"..."

"..."

"...Can I have another muffin?"

"NO!"

"Curses!"

* * *

A/N: In case you don't know, Kaede had lost her child when he was hit by a car.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: This is basically, more or less, the start of the 'mini-arc' for the story. It'll last for two or three chapters, and then I'll continue the main plot. Even though it's a mini-arc, it still has important plot points.

* * *

For the next few days, nothing particularly exciting happened. Sakaki and his henchmen were waiting for the virus program to finish downloading, but it only went up 3 percent every 5 hours, so they broke out the popcorn and watched _I Know Who Killed Me _to pass the time...what a mistake that was. Poor Sakaki was even willing to go through the cyber-rape experience again just to erase the memory of what he had just watched.

Haseo had ceased to log into The World and spent his real-life time brooding and playing 'Weird Al Yankovic' music at full blast.

The Azure Knights were still waiting for Hiiragi, who said he was busy 'hanging out' with Nala. Only the lord of the net, Bruce Springsteen, could have known what he really meant.

With the Rainbow Guild, after Saku and Aina's initiation (where they had to have cyber-sex in public), the gay gang just went on a few quests, leveled up a few times, collected a few items, it's all good. Bo still hadn't found the time to question Saku about her existence, at least, not until Silabus accepted a certain new quest for the group...

...A quest that would take the group into the deepest reaches of homophobic hell.

* * *

"Why do you keep signing us up to so many quests? It's really cutting into my personal life..." Bo said once as he and Silabus walked back to the base after visiting the Quest Shop.

"You're a member of the Rainbow Guild, kid; you don't have a personal life." Silabus remarked. Bo had to admit that he was right.

Shrugging, the little gay boy asked, "So...what quest did you sign us up for this time?"

Silabus looked at a sheet of paper he had received from the Quest Master and replied, "They said...because of our popularity and controversial methods of entertainment, CC2 has made up a special quest, just for us!"

"Wow! That sounds exciting! What do we have to do?" Bo asked.

Silabus read through the paper for a moment. "We can only bring six members, so it'll be you, me, Saku, Aina, Atoli and my darling Zelkova! And all it says is to go to area 'Delta Condemned-Gay-Slobs'."

"That's a rather...interesting area name..." Bo commented sarcastically. Silabus had to admit that he was right.

"Why can't any of the others come?" Bo then asked.

"...Because we don't need more lesbians than gay guys on our team! Got it?" Silabus snapped.

Bo couldn't really object to his leader's decisions, so he just went along with it. Besides, if he was lucky, he might be able to find the time to speak one-on-one with Saku.

After returning to the home and setting everything up, Silabus, Bo, Saku, Aina, Atoli and Zelkova headed to the Chaos Gate.

"Is everyone ready?" Silabus asked to his party members before inputting the area code.

Atoli pouted and muttered under her breath, "Dammit...without me there to protect her, my beloved Shino will be taken advantage of by that furry bitch Tabby!"

"I thought you guys were sharing her." Bo suddenly interjected.

"You don't know the half of it, kid..." Atoli replied with a deep sigh.

Since no one had any outright objections, Silabus entered the code words 'Condemned-Gay-Slobs' and off they went...

* * *

_AREA: 'DELTA CONDEMNED-GAY-SLOBS'..._

It was a huge empty field; no monsters, no treasure chests, no Lucky Animals...no nothing.

"Damn, this sucks! Those CC2 bastards tricked us again!" Bo exclaimed, but Silabus smacked him over the head to shut him up.

Looking out, Atoli noticed something. "Is that...fire?"

After walking a while, the group came across what seemed to be a campsite; about 20 or so PCs where crowded around a fire, chatting and smoking virtual-crack.

Zelkova sniffed the aroma of the crack and said, "Do you think they'll give us some of that? I haven't gotten high in so long!"

"You do drugs?" Aina asked with raised eyebrows.

"Hey, don't go dissing how I live, little girl," the Flick Reaper replied, "I was the leader of a guild that had guys like Sakaki, Matsu, Hiiragi and Atoli in it; I couldn't handle it all on willpower alone!"

Watching the campsite for a bit, Silabus said, "I think I'll go over and talk to them!"

Putting on a big grin and a hop in his step, the leader of the Rainbow Guild walked up to the group and exclaimed, "Hello, everyone! My name is Silabus, official leader of the Rainbow Guild! Me and a few of the members are here to fulfill a quest given to us directly by CC2. What, by chance, are you good people doing here?"

One of the camping PCs, who was a large man with a body covered in scars and a blood-stained axe in his hand, stood up and stared at Silabus for a moment. Just looking at the ferocious man almost made poor Silabus wet his pants in real life.

"You're Silabus? Leader of the Rainbow Guild?" he asked.

"Yes." Silabus said with a nod.

"And that little group over there are your teammates?" he asked.

"Yes. They're not all the members of the guild, though; we couldn't bring everyone." Silabus explained.

"Since you're in the Rainbow Guild, that means you're gay? Like...you like men instead of women?" he asked.

"Yup!" Silabus exclaimed proudly, "And we also have women who like women instead of men, too!"

That was all the information the axe-wielding behemoth needed to know. Raising his weapon high in the air, he swung it down at Silabus's head in an attempt to PK him.

Luckily, Silabus pulled out his sword just in time and blocked the attack.

"...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Bo cried out; he and the others quickly rushed over to try and aid their devoted leader.

The other men at the campsite (Atoli counted, and there were twenty in all) all stood up and unsheathed their weapons. Laughing, the man who had attacked Silabus proclaimed, "You disgusting little fags have fallen into our trap! We had one of our guys hack into the Quest Shop and set up a special quest just for you guys...so we can lead you here and PK all of you!"

Glad to finally have some dialogue, Saku shouted, "Why would you do this? We've never done anything to any of you!"

"Listen, miss; we're all homophobes!" the man replied, "We hate seeing all these gay faggots running around, tainting The World with their homosexuality! It's just wrong, and we are going to make it right again! So...become straight or die! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Suddenly, as the man was laughing, his body was sliced in two. His laughter was quickly silenced as his body dematerialized. Silabus was the one who cut him down, and an aura of fury seemed to be surrounding him. Everyone, even long-time member Atoli, was shocked to see Silabus like this; he had become a completely different person. There was nothing but rage and hatred in his eyes.

"I'M NOT GOING TO LET ANY OF YOU TWISTED BASTARDS GET AWAY WITH INSULTING ME OR MY FRIENDS! YOU BASTARDS ARE GOING DOWN!" Silabus screamed, his face turning red.

Turning to his teammates, he snapped, "What are you guys waiting for? The fuckin' goddamn navy? Pull out your weapons and help me fight! Don't let them get away with threatening us!"

"YEAH! LET'S MURDER THESE FUCKERS!" Bo shouted.

Now, the battle between the Rainbow Guild and the homophobes was about to begin...

* * *

The Azure Knights were watching _Silence of the Lambs _for the fifth time in a row as they waited for Hiiragi to arrive.

"This movie makes no sense to me," Azure Orca said as he tossed a handful of popcorn into his mouth, "The guy dies, but he's actually alive, and then he dies for real after only appearing for a few minutes about half-way into the movie. Some woman becomes a transvestite but turns back when she gets shot and that guy with the lazy eye keeps groping small dogs. It's very confusing..."

Both Azure Kite and Azure Balmung stared at their friend in disbelief. "...What the hell kind of movie are you talking about?"

"...A good one." Azure Orca replied under his breath.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I'm going to try and completely finish this fic before I make new stories. So updates for this will be pretty quick.

* * *

"RRRRRRAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHAAAA!! DIE, YOU FAGS!"

With incredible speed, Silabus easily dodged the Edge Punisher's swing and sliced his attacker's head clean off. Looking around, he was glad to see that everyone else was faring pretty well in the massive brawl. Atoli was busy batting people around using her rod like a baseball bat, and Bo was chewing some poor sap's leg off. Saku and Aina were teaming up and blasting people by combining their spell power, and Zelkova was tearing the enemies apart with his scythe.

"HA HA HA! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR UNDERESTIMATING FAGS - I MEAN, GAY PEOPLE!" Silabus exclaimed as he stabbed an approaching Twin Blade in the eye without even turning around.

"SINCE WHEN THE HELL WAS THIS GAME SO VIOLENT?" Bo asked aloud as he blew a guy's arm off with a Zan Rom (Wind) spell.

Atoli, who was busy bashing a Lord Partizan's head in with her foot, looked over her shoulder and asked, "IS IT REALLY A BAD THING, THOUGH?"

Pretty soon, only a handful of the homophobic bastards were left (four of them, to exact), all of them already heavily injured. The mutilated bodies of their comrades were strewn all over the floor, and stains of digital blood had leaked into the grass.

"Please...please stop!" One of the survivors, a Macabre Dancer, cried, "W-We're really sorry! We promise we won't bother you g-g-guys ever again! J-Just...please don't PK us! Please! I promised my little brother in the hospital that I would never get PKed! He's going to die of cancer soon, and I want to make him happy on his last moments!"

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" Silabus snapped, and he plunged his sword through the Macabre Dancer's head.

"Man, Silabus...you're a real asshole." Atoli remarked as she watched Silabus pull his sword back out and kick the now-dead body to the side.

The last three guys shrieked out in fear and ran off towards the Chaos Gate in an attempt to escape. Silabus looked over at Saku and nodded to her. Closing her eyes, Saku opened her Grimoire and fired a powerful OrVak Don (Fire) Spell, completely incinerating the three runaways.

"Heh...we got all of them! I can't wait to call mom today and tell her about this!" Silabus exclaimed triumphantly.

"Did we level up?" Aina asked hopefully.

"Nope. We did get a 'Rusty Dagger' though..." Zelkova replied, holding said dagger in his hand.

Aina cursed under her breath. "Dammit!"

Feeling very proud of himself, Silabus stretched and said, "Alright, we won this fight. I guess there's nothing else to do but head back and-"

His words droned off as the usual background music suddenly ended, and a new song began to play.

--

_'You woke up this morning  
Got yourself a gun,  
Mama always said you'd be  
The Chosen One._

_She said: You're one in a million  
You've got to burn to shine,  
But you were born under a bad sign,  
With a blue moon in your eyes._

_You woke up this morning  
All the love has gone,  
Your Papa never told you  
About right and wrong.'_

_--_

"What the hell is this? When did we have songs with actual lyrics?" Atoli cried out.

Bo recognized this song. "Isn't this the theme song of the Sopranos? Why the hell is it playing? Is someone hacking this area?"

As if to answer his question, a mysterious figure suddenly materialized out by the Chaos Gate. He was a tall, muscular male PC; he had long black hair with several red-colored spikes poking out at the end. Various tattoos and markings covered his arms and face. His body was covered in normal peasant-level clothes...except for the huge silver-gold breastplate he wore. When his eyes opened, Bo and the others were shocked to see he had no irises whatsoever.

He took one step forward...and the sky, which was in a 'sunny' setting, suddenly became pitch black. Smirking, the man reached into his back and pulled out two guns...Dual Guns. A dark twisted energy seemed to flow from the guns' barrels.

"Holy shit! This guy...he's a 'Dual Gunner'!" Bo exclaimed in horror.

Atoli gasped. "But...but 'Dual Gunner' isn't even a real class! Haseo was the only one to ever obtain that class, and it was given to him to save him from dying...by Zelkova!"

Everyone turned to look at Zelkova, who was just as confused as them.

Nervously, Zelkova said, "I...I don't really know myself! After Cubia's defeat, The World has been left in a rather weak state! This...this guy must be a superb hacker; he's altering the game field itself just by being here!"

No one was sure what to do, and the music grew louder and louder as the dangerous figure drew closer to them.

Suddenly, the man raised one of his guns and fired a single shot...hitting Zelkova square in the forehead.

"ZELKOVA!!" Silabus shouted, but it was too late; Zelkova's dead body dematerialized from the field.

The man laughed loudly, and every 'HA' sent a shockwave flowing through the area.

When he had finished, the man smiled maniacally and said, "...How do you do? I am Teitus, and I will kill all faggots who dare pollute The World!"

"So, you were the one who organized this whole quest; you wanted to get rid of us?" Bo snapped. He was trying to be brave, but he was actually fighting hard to keep himself from logging out right then and there.

The man named Teitus laughed again and replied, "Yes, I planned everything; I had another hacker friend of mine to set up the Quest so he'll lose his account for tampering with the system instead of me! I am the ultimate hacker, and in The World's weak state, I have an unbelievable amount of control! Once I kill your leader, I will obtain the passcode into your guild base, and not only delete it, but I'll prevent you from ever creating that guild again! You fags will pay with your lives!"

"If you're so great...where were you during .hack/G.U.?" Saku asked.

Teitus shrugged and said, "I was on vacation. In Romania. Visiting my Grandmother. Whose name is Roxanne. She has a dog. The dog likes me. It- You know what, just forget it! I don't need to explain myself to you! Just give me Silabus, and I won't kill you all!"

While the others pulled out their weapons and prepared to fight, Silabus was sitting on his knees, staring at where Zelkova had died. He had a dazed look on his face, and he didn't budge an inch. His whole body was numb.

'Everyone I care about...my friends...my darling Zelkova...all of them are being hurt because I'm gay...why...I thought I would be able to escape the pains and problems of being gay in an anti-gay society by playing The World...but...but I wanted to show I was proud about my sexual orientation, too...oh god...I'm so confused...I'm so angry...I just don't understand anymore...'

"No matter what, we can't let him kill Silabus!" Bo told the others, who nodded their heads in agreement.

Teitus shook his head at their 'foolishless' and he raised both pistols. Two shots...they zoomed right past Bo's head before he could react, and they were heading straight for Silabus...

"SILABUS...MOVE! NOW!"

The shots suddenly broke apart and disintegrated right before touching Silabus.

When Bo and the others turned around to see if Silabus was okay, they gasped when they saw flashing green symbols had formed all over Silabus' body. He slowly pushed himself up from the ground and lifted his head...his eyes were glowing bright green, as well.

"W...What's happening to him?" Aina asked to anyone in particular.

Bo and Atoli both immediately recognized what was happening to their leader; he was an Epitaph User.

Turning his sights to Teitus, Silabus shouted, "I'M...GOING...TO...KILL...YOU!! I WON'T LET YOU HURT ANYONE I LOVE OR CARE ABOUT EVER AGAIN!!"

Teitus was so surprised by what was going on that he didn't even bother attacking the others, despite them being distracted as well.

A powerful burst of light erupted from within Silabus' body, and it formed over him.

For some reason, deep in her heart, Saku suddenly felt like she recognized this situation...although she was sure she had never gone through it before in her life.

Slowly, a large mecha-like creature began to emerge from the green light. It had the body of a medieval knight, helmet and all, but it also had two long arms with spear-like objects for fingers. A long tendril with a curved point at the end hung from the head and swung around wildly like a tail of sorts. Two bird-like skinny legs with swords sticking out of the sides gave it the ability to stand, and a single giant rainbow-colored swirl was on the middle of its chest.

Silabus had become the ninth Epitaph User...

_'SUBALIS, THE GAY LOVER OF CHILDREN!'_

"THAT'S THE WORST NAME EVER!" Bo exclaimed, "IT'S JUST HIS ACTUAL NAME BACKWARDS! Plus, it makes him really sound like a pedophile..."

"But he is..." Atoli remarked.

"Oh, yeah!"

* * *

After having played through fifteen matches of Duel Monsters with Yata, Kuhn was really starting to regret agreeing to join Sakaki's group.

Looking over at the green-haired montriarch, Kuhn asked, "Hey, Suck-cocki, is that damn virus program finally done? We already watched all the bad movies ever made, and we've seen every episode of Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged and Naruto Abridged, and now I'm stuck being forced to play children's card games with this weirdo! Please, for the love of Lindsay Lohan's Adopted Son Carl, tell me it's finished!"

"Please never call me 'Suck-cocki' again...and the virus program is about 56 prcent done." Sakaki replied.

"How far was it done when I joined?" Kuhn asked.

"Uh...54 percent." Sakaki replied.

Kuhn cursed under his breath. Looking back at Yata, he said miserably, "It's time to duel...once again..."

Shockingly enough, Yata shook his head. "Nah, you suck at this game!"

Getting up, Yata tossed his cards in Kuhn's face and stormed off to do something remotely lss boring than this.

"GAH! THOSE GODDAMN CARDS GAVE ME A PAPERCUT IN MY EYE! OH GOD!" Kuhn exclaimed, clutching his injured eye.

"I'm happy for you..." Sakaki muttered without even actually caring.

"OH GOD...OH GOD...OH GOD...OH GO- HOLY SHIT, WHY IS THE BLOOD YELLOW? HMM...IT TASTES LIKE CHEESE...DAMN, THAT'S WEIRD..."

"...Kuhn, after you lose your cyber-virginty, I'm going to kill you." Sakaki said.

Kuhn scoffed as he tasted a bit more of the cheesey fluid coming out of his eye. "Good luck; I'll probably have killed myself before you can even lay a hand on me."

Kuhn didn't realize how stupid that statement of his sounded.

"...Where's Ovan, anyway?" Kuhn then asked.

"He's in the bathroom with a picture of Aina..." Sakaki replied.

Kuhn thought about what Sakaki for a moment, and he decided to just stay quiet for the rest of the day.


	10. Chapter 10

Now that Silabus has awakened to his Avatar state, Subalis, it was obvious that Teitus was doomed-

"HOLD ON! HOW THE HELL CAN SILABUS BE AN EPITAPH USER?" Bo cried out.

Atoli thought for a moment. "Uh...derr?"

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" Bo snapped.

"Seriously, though, I have no idea; the death of Zelkova was too great for poor Silabus..." Atoli replied.

"But...Zelkova isn't actually dead," Saku interjected, "He only got PKed. He's just been dismissed from the quest, which won't end until we beat this Teitus guy."

"Damn...Silabus DOES overreact to everything..." Bo muttered, sighing at the stupidity of his leader.

Throwing back its head, Subalis let loose a powerful roar. Two huge red eyes peered out from within the helmet, and it looked absolutely pissed.

Teitus spat to the side and said, "Hmph! I don't really understand what's going on, and I fear I might actually lose, but I'm just going to go and blindly attack you without any thought about my actions, okay?"

True to his word, Teitus raised both guns and fired at Subalis until he had to reload his ammo. However, not a single shot even put a dent in the Avatar's armored body.

'Hmm...maybe I should just take this time to ask Saku...' Bo thought as he slowly inched over to said girl.

"...What do you want, Bo?" Saku asked before Bo was even less than a foot away from her.

Blushing nervously, Bo said, "Uh...Saku, I need to ask you something important; before you and Aina joined the Rainbow Guild...do you...did you...have you ever seen me before the guild?"

Saku stared at him and blinked a few times. Then, she shook her head and replied, "No, the first time we met was when I joined the Rainbow Guild, I'm sure. It's a little weird that we happen to have the same equipment and clothes, despite a few differences. It is a small world after all, huh..."

Bo nodded and walked back over to Atoli, feeling even more confused than ever. 'If she doesn't even remember me or anything...or even about her past as my alternate personality...then who is she?'

Meanwhile, Teitus was still confident that he would win this fight. "Ha ha ha! You stupid gay fools! I've hacked myself to have infinite stats! No matter how much you attack me, I'll never take a single point of damage! Even if you become some huge weird techno-monster, I cannot be stopped! HA HA HA HA!"

As Teitus continued to laugh, Subalis held out one of its palms in the hacker's direction and hissed, "DATA...DRAIN."

Without warning, a huge blast of energy, made completely out of numerical figures and datacodes, burst out of Subalis' palm and flew straight at Teitus. Crying out, Teitus spun around and tried to log out, but it was no use; the hacking he had done to his computer was now working against him.

"HOW? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? I AM A HACKING MASTER!" He screamed, the beam coming closer and closer. The music had even changed, and now the song 'Mutation' from the Akira movie was booming in his ears, making this moment even more terrifying for him.

Finally, the Data Drain beam hit, stripping Teitus off his hacked form. His pitiful screams as his digital body was torn apart were drowned out by the sound of the explosion in the end, which was so strong that it caused Teitus' real-life player to fly into a wall and lose consciousness.

When it was over, Teitus was totally eradicated. Subalis let out a sigh of relief, and then, in a final burst of light, it reverted back into Silabus, who collapsed onto the ground.

Running over to him, Bo said, "Damn, I never met a gay guy with so much power! ...Except for Haseo, who I suddenly remembered that I'm supposed to be in love with!"

Lifting Silabus up to help drag him back to the Chaos Gate, Atoli suggested, "Once we get back to the base, maybe you can look for him..."

Since he definitely didn't have anything better to do, Bo decided he would do that.

"...Mmm...Zelkova-chan...touch me there..." Silabus moaned. He was delirious.

"Shut up, Silabus." Bo said, punching the poor guy in the face.

Aina was getting the feeling that these guys have forgotten the difference between real life and an MMORPG...and she was right.

"STOP GROPING ME, SILABUS!"

"BO, DON'T TEAR OFF HIS ARM!"

"FUCK YOU ALL TO HEAVEN! ...Wait."

* * *

"...Guys, I don't think Hiiragi's coming." Azure Kite muttered as he picked his toenails.

Azure Balmung, who was reading his new fashion magazine, glanced up and asked, "What makes you say that?"

Azure Orca took off his Al Gore mask and asked, "Yeah, why not?"

Azure Kite stood up and replied, "That stuck-up, shemale wannabe was supposed to be here over ten hours ago and-"

Out of nowhere, an e-mail pop-up appeared over Azure Kite's head. Grabbing it, he opened it up and read it to himself for a moment.

"...It's from Hiiragi. It says that he's sent someone else in his place." Azure Kite said.

"WHAT? THAT'S COMPLETELY STUPID! WHO THE HELL DID HE SEND?" Azure Balmung demanded to know.

Suddenly, Kanede (the object of all three of their affections) materialized into the room.

All three Azure Knights could only think one thing in response: 'OH...FUCK...'


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: A very short chapter, this is. I need time to think up of more material, and I'll probably write another Naruto fic or something in the meantime.

* * *

Once Silabus was back at Mac Anu, he immediately logged out to get some rest. Bo and Atoli also bid farewell to Saku and Aina and went back to the guild base to see if anyone else was there. As it turned out, Pi and Bordeaux were actually metting in real life, so they hadn't logged in at all. Tabby and Shino were nowhere to be found, either. All that was moving inside the base was a very lonely Silo-Grunty.

"GODDAMMIT! WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN, HOT STUFF?" The little talking pig screeched, scratching at Bo's face.

As Bo tried to fight off Silo-Grunty, Atoli took a seat on one of the couches and said, "If only we knew someone that could explain how Silabus could be an Epitaph User despite their only supposed to be eight of them. It really bothers me...it might not even be an Avatar, but something more...something worse..."

Bo slammed Silo-Grunty against the wall and said to Atoli, "You really worry too much. I mean, we defeated AIDA and Cubia, right? I doubt there's even more evil stuff going on behind the scenes...besides Sakaki and his 'Yaoi Utopia' thing..."

"What was that last part?" Atoli asked.

Bo shook his head. "It was nothing," he quickly replied, "Nothing at all. Really..."

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Bo walked over and opened it, to see a rather plain-looking young male PC with short brown hair, a sleeveless jacket, and a freckled face. The moment they laid eyes on each other, the strange man started blushing.

"Uh...hello, who are you?" Bo asked, freaked out by the man's perverse gaze.

Coughing into his fist, the man said, "I would like to join your Rainbow Guild! My name is Teitus, and I like little boys...like you! Now take off your pants!"

Bo, Atoli and Silo-Grunty could only all think one thing in response: 'OH...FUCK...'


	12. Chapter 12

Teitus was sitting on the couch humming a tune to himself while Bo and Atoli spoke to one another out in the hallway (yes, their base has hallways and a kitchen and a bathroom and beds and all of that. Silabus paid premium account).

"That guy said his name was Teitus? Isn't that the name of the hacker guy Silabus bush-whacked two chapters ago?" Bo asked, afraid of letting ANOTHER child predator join the guild. Silabus was one of them, as already known, and so was Pi; Bordeaux's real-life player was just a high school student, after all.

Atoli thought for a moment; she was thinking more today than she had ever done in her whole life. "Well, Subalis' Data Drain technique completely wiped out Teitus' hacked state, so that must be what his PC actually looks like. Maybe, just maybe, the Data Drain also erased Teitus' player's memories as a hacker AND it turned him into a gay pedophile!"

Bo's mouth fell open in shock. He said, "So...what you're saying is...Silabus has a Gay Pedo-Beam?"

Atoli nodded.

Closing his eyes as if in pain, Bo muttered, "...I think hell just froze over..."

"That is probably the most dangerous weapon of all mankind!" Atoli said, "Think of all the horror and destruction it could cause if it fell in the wrong hands!"

Bo smirked. "...Think of all the kinky and hilarious adventures it could cause..."

"YOU'RE NOT BECOME PEDO-BAIT NOW, ARE YOU?" Atoli cried.

"Lady...I'm only 'pedo-bait' for Haseo! YTGND (YOU'RE THE GIRL NOW, DAWG)! I was just joking, anyway!" Bo replied, crossing his arms to make 'X' sign.

They both stared at each other for a moment, looking deep into each other's eyes.

"...You know, we hang out so much together, what if we ended up as a pairing in the end?" Bo said out of nowhere.

Atoli smacked him across the face. "REMEMBER...YOU'RE A FAG! AND SO AM I!"

Back in the guild's living room, Silo-Grunty was trying to keep Teitus occupied with some card tricks.

"...Is this your card?" Silo-Grunty asked, holding up a Charmander card.

"No." Teitus replied.

"...Is this your card?" Silo-Grunty asked again, holding up a Dark Magician card.

"No." Teitus replied.

"...Is this your card?" Silo-Grunty asked for a third time, holding up a Naruto card.

"I THOUGHT WE WERE USING NORMAL PLAYING CARDS!" Teitus snapped furiously.

Finally, Atoli and Bo walked back into the room, still a bit confused on Teitus' condition and Silabus' Avatar powers.

Happy to see that he could finally get away from this annoying gay Grunty, Teitus walked over to the two of them and asked, "So...am I allowed to join? I promise I won't grope anyone...unless they let me. Hint, hint..."

"Well...our guild leader is absent right now, so you can't join the group yet. We'll let him now and send you a message depending on his decision..." Atoli explained.

Teitus nodded and gave Atoli his e-mail adress before leaving, begging her to do anything and everything in her power to get the guild master to let him join. Then, just as he had entered, he left through the front door.

After that, there was just silence...

"...Now what do we do?" Bo asked Atoli.

"Well, I am going to log out and call Shino to make sure that bitch Tabby didn't have her way with her!" Atoli waved a quick goodbye and logged out, leaving Bo and Silo-Grunty alone.

Since he definitely didn't want to hang around Silo-Grunty, Bo decided to walk around Mac Anu in hopes of finding Haseo. 'Maybe...just maybe...I'll try and confess my feelings to him...' Bo thought as he left the base. It was already getting pretty late, and mainly hardcore players and some others were still running around town.

'Man...so much has happened...I've forgotten all about Haseo...he's probably busy with his boyfriend Endrance...' Bo thought miserably as he crossed over the main bridge.

Although Bo hadn't gotten any closer to getting together with Haseo since joining the Rainbow Guild, he had been able to make quite a few friends who understood his situation and he even felt more self-confident now. Despite a few things leaving him a bit sceptical (i.e. Subalis and Saku's real identity), Bo was enjoying himself.

Suddenly, as he was busy daydreaming, Bo didn't have time to react when something heavy smashed against the back of his head, knocking off his hat and sending him crashing to the floor. Looking up, Bo realized it was Teitus, who was wielding a Gun Ocher Bayonet; he had used the backside to assault Bo.

"...How'd that feel, kid?" Teitus asked, licking his lips lustfully.

Bo tried to stand up, but Teitus kicked him back down with his foot.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Bo shouted as he struggled to escape.

Leaning down near Bo's face, Teitus revealed, "I can't bother waiting for your boss to allow me to join your guild so I can get my hands on you; I want your succulent pre-pubescent body NOW!"

"YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER! LET ME GO!" Bo screamed.

"Don't you understand?" Teitus asked his reluctant captive, "this is why you should always be careful on the internet...never show weakness..."

"HOLD ON!" Bo cried, "THIS IS JUST A VIRTUAL INTERNET GAME! IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR ACTUALLY RAPING ME! WHY ARE YOU EVEN DOING THIS?"

"...Yeah, but I'll still enjoy it. Your cyber-virginity is mine..." Teitus chided with a smirk.

Bo yelled out for help, but Teitus silenced him by holding the barrel of his gun against the side of Bo's face. His arms wrapped tightly around the boy, Teitus lifted him up and dragged him into a nearby alleyway.

Kicking and screaming wildly, Bo protested, "LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! SILABUS! ATOLI! PI! ZELKOVA! ANYONE! HELP!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT!" Teitus snarled. Moving the gun's barrel over to inside of Bo's mouth, he wrapped a finger around the trigger and started to unzip his pants when...

"LET HIM GO." growled a voice that belonged to the very person Bo was looking for in the first place.

A very familiar figure stood before Teitus in the alley, his back bathed in the light of the evening sun; it was Haseo.

Bo immediately felt hopeful that he would get out of this situation with his cyber-virginity intact.

Teitus cursed under his breath; he was so close to finally fulfill his sexual fantasy, but now...this white-haired bastard was in his way...and it made him angry.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!" Teitus ordered, but Haseo remained still.

Looking over at poor Bo, Haseo asked calmly, "...Bo, he hasn't done anything to you yet, right?"

Bo shook his head. "No. He was just about to..."

Haseo then grinned and cracked his knuckles. "Good," he remarked, "I was going to beat this son of a bitch all the way down to hell and back even if he didn't do anything to you. The fact that you're still okay makes me feel better. I'd hate to see anything bad happen to you."

Bo blushed and turned his head away, although Teitus was still holding him up against the wall.

"...Hmph, you think you can beat me?" Teitus asked in a smug tone.

'Damn! This guy is a cocky bastard no matter what you do to him!' Bo realized.

Haseo reached into his back and pulled out a long scythe; it was his Lost Weapon 'Ticking Death'.

"WHAT THE HELL IS-" Teitus froze when he realized Haseo had suddenly vanished into thin air. Bo, who was much more skilled, easily watched as Haseo leaped into the air at super speed and brought the curve of his scythe crashing down into Teitus' skull, killing him.

As Teitus' body dematerialized, Bo fell out of his grip and coughed violently for a moment.

Putting his weapon away, Haseo offered his hand to Bo. "It was lucky I decided today to log into The World again after a long while. I'm glad you're safe, Bo..."

Bo could feel his face heating up as his hand touched Haseo's. He was so nervous that he could barely stand up.

'Right now...I need to tell him...I have to tell him...I want to tell him..."

Looking directly at Haseo, Bo took a deep breath and exclaimed, "HASEO, I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

Then, to top it off, Bo lifted himself by standing on his tip-toes and kissed Haseo passionately on the lips.

However, Haseo wasn't kissing back. In fact, he pushed Bo away and snapped, "WHAT THE HELL?"

Bo could almost feel his heart physically shattering into pieces.

* * *

Kaede noticed the shocked looks on the Azure Knights' faces, so she asked, "Umm...is everything okay? Hiiragi gave me the area code to this place, and he told me you three needed to tell me something important..."

'DAMN YOU, HIIRAGI!' Azure Kite thought, too nervous to express his feelings yet.

'THANK YOU, HIIRAGI!' Azure Balmung thought, feeling over-confident that he'll be able to woo Kaede.

'WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY MUFFINS?' Azure Orca thought as he picked his nose carelessly.

Azure Balmung put on a confident grin and was about to make his move when Azure Kite suddenly ran up to Kaede and handed her something: a single rose.

Looking down at his feet in embarrassment, Azure Kite stammered, "Uh...umm...K-Kaede...err...well...all three of us...we...um..."

"...Yes, what is it?" Kaede asked in her infinite patience.

"ALL OF THREE OF US ARE IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Azure Orca blurted out from nowhere.

Kaede's cheeks flushed and she covered her mouth in shock.

"Oh my..."


	13. Chapter 13

Out of boredom, Kuhn was about to commit Seppaku (Sakaki was all for it), when Ovan came out of the bathroom with a small black box in his hands.

"DAMMIT, MAN! YOU'VE BEEN IN THE FUCKIN' VIRTUAL BATHROOM FOR 5 DAYS! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING?" Sakaki snapped. Kuhn tossed his 'Seppaku Blade' away and sighed; fifteen virtual dollars down the drain.

Ovan held up the black box and replied, "I have created something that will answer all of our problems! Something that will close the boundaries between mice and men! Something that will make watching .hack/Roots actually an enjoyable experience! Something that will, without a doubt in my mind, give us-"

"JUST SHOW US WHAT IT IS ALREADY!" Kuhn demanded.

Ovan nodded, and he pried the small box open. As soon as the lid came off, a bright light emitted from within the box. Kuhn and Sakaki shielded their eyes as Ovan reached in and pulled something out. At that moment, Yata walked into the room, but seeing the bright light caused him to have a seizure, and he collapsed to the floor in a twitching, foaming mess.

Snapping the black box shut and tossing it to the side, Ovan revealed he had retrieved a small compact disk from inside it.

"Uh...what is this? A disk?" Sakaki asked, taking the disk from his loli-loving henchman.

"That disk," Ovan replied, "Has a special optimum speed download processor of my own design; it can help the virus program reach completion at a much faster rate!"

Sakaki was overjoyed at this revelation. "OVAN, IF I WAS GAY, I WOULD KISS YOU RIGHT NOW!"

"...You know you want to kiss him." Kuhn whispered, but Sakaki responded to this by punching the perverted man square in the nuts.

"NO! NOT FRED AND BARNEY! NOOO!!" Kuhn cried as he clutched his crotch and rolled around on the ground screaming in pain.

Inserting the disk into his own computer and attached the patch file to the virus program, Sakaki watched in growing amazement as the virus' download percentage went faster and faster and faster...and then it was finally complete.

Throwing his head, Sakaki laughed insanely and exclaimed, "BWA HA HA HA! IT'S DONE! IT'S FINALLY COMPLETE! THE VIRUS PROGRAM IS FINISHED! HURRY! BRING ENDRANCE IN HERE SO HE CAN SEE IT, AS WELL! SOON, MY YAOI UTOPIA WILL BE A REALITY!"

Ovan bowed and was about to head over to the door when it suddenly burst open, and Endrance leaped in, his long coal-black sword gleaming.

"Endrance, what is the meaning of this?" Sakaki asked, pissed that his overwhelming joy had to be so rudely interrupted.

Without responding, Endrance swung his sword and sliced Ovan's legs off, and then his head as his body fell to the ground.

Kuhn cried out and tried to run, but Endrance was much faster; running up behind Kuhn, he lunged his sword forward and it tore through Kuhn's chest.

With two of his henchmen now PKed and one of them suffering a seizure, Sakaki and Endrance were the only ones left.

"ENDRANCE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? IF YOU DON'T STOP, HASEO WILL DIE!" Sakaki exclaimed, sweat rolling down the sides of his face.

Endrance flashed a small grin and asked, "So? He can just log back in."

'Dammit! I always forget that!' Sakaki thought with a curse under his breath.

"Anyway," Sakaki then said, "why the hell are you doing this? I...I thought we were partners..."

Endrance aimed the tip of his sword at Sakaki's neck and hissed, "Partners? Partners? Sakaki, I was FORCED to work for you! I never wanted any part of this! I only joined because I was afraid of Haseo being hurt, but now I know that that kind of thinking is pure bull shit; Haseo's stronger than anyone, and he would never be PKed, no matter what you throw at him. I...I just want to be with him again! I love him! I'm sick and tired of working for you, and now I'm going to stop your sinister plan and return to my darling Haseo!"

Sakaki nodded as if he understood. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small controller. Before Endrance could do anything, Sakaki crushed the controller in his fingers and let its remains crumble onto the floor.

"WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT DID YOU JUST DO? TELL ME!" Endrance demanded.

"It was my only connection to a band of highly-experienced PKers. I was going to have them attack Haseo if you betrayed me, but now that I understand your feelings and needs, I decided to call the whole thing off..."

Lowering his blade, Endrance smiled and asked, "You...you...you really mean it?"

Sakaki didn't answer; instead he picked up the downloaded copy of the virus program (which had taken on the form of a small glowing rainbow-colored ball), and he swallowed it.

"What the-"

Suddenly, Sakaki smirked and his voice became more demonic. His eyes became completely red and a rainbow-colored aura started to emit from his body.

"NO, I LIED. THEY'RE GOING TO KILL HIM RIGHT NOW."

Screaming in fury, Endrance charged at Sakaki with full intent on killing him.

His blade was almost about to rip into Sakaki's head, when Endrance felt a cold, overwhelmingly strong hand grab him by the throat.

Sakaki smiled and said, "I HAVE THE POWER. I DON'T EVEN NEED THE AVATARS ANYMORE, THANKS TO OVAN'S COMPACT DISK! ALL I NEED IS TO UNLEASH ALL OF THIS INNER ENERGY IN A CERTAIN AREA! NO ONE CAN STOP ME...NOT EVEN ADAM SANDLER OR PAULA ABDUL! THE WHOLE INTERNET IS FUCKED!"

Then, he crushed Endrance's neck with a single powerful squeeze.

Dropping the Blade Brandier's dead body onto the ground, Sakaki turned around and left the room, a trail of rainbow energy following close behind...

* * *

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? WHY THE HELL DID YOU KISS ME?"

"I...I...I..."

All along, Bo had figured in the deepest reaches of his heart that Haseo would never return his feelings; after all, Bo was a child, and Haseo was a young man with a boyfriend. There was less than a 50 percent chance of them getting together, but Bo still always hoped everything would work out in the end. But now...

"God, Bo, I appreciate getting a reward for saving people every now and then, but...what the fuck?" Haseo snapped as he wiped his mouth clean.

"I'm...I'm sorry..." Bo stammered, trying his best not to start crying, "I know you're still with Endrance and all, but...I really do love you...believe me...I joined the Rainbow Guild because of my feelings for you! And you're gay, so why-"

"Endrance...he l-left me..." Haseo said sullenly.

"THEN YOU CAN HAVE ME! I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU!" Bo exclaimed.

"No! No no no!" Haseo snapped, "Bo, you're just a kid! I...I can't be with you! I don't want to be responsible as the person who ruined you! You have alot of time to think out your life, and I know your desire to be with me is only a phase! Please, Bo, I...I don't like children like how Silabus and that bastard do...please understand..."

"But, Haseo..." The tears began to flow freely down Bo's cheeks.

Haseo placed a hand on Bo's shoulder and said, "Bo...please, just forget about me. Find someone else to love...whether it be boy or girl...as long as it's not a furry."

"Furries...like Gaspard?" Bo asked.

Haseo nodded. "Yeah; like Gaspard. Don't fall in love with him, okay?"

"I...I understand..." Bo replied, even though he felt like he didn't understand anything anymore.

"Come on...let's go..." Haseo said, but as soon as he turned his head, Bo logged out.

Sighing, Haseo cursed himself for breaking the poor kid's heart like that. 'Well...it's not like we actually can be together! I still love Endrance!' he told himself as he walked out of the alleyway. Suddenly, he caught sight of a familiar old nemesis walking towards town square.

It was...

"SAKAKI! ...Why the fuck does he look like a giant walking rainbow?"


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: By the way, this fic isn't supposed to be making fun of actual gay people or anything; it's only making fun of the .hack characters really. But damn, this fic is actually kind of fun to write. Also, another short chapter. And then...part 2 of the fic begins! It's not a different fic; it's still apart of this.

* * *

Since trouble always followed when Sakaki was around, Haseo decided to follow him. 'I'm still worried about Bo, but it'll have to wait!' the Adept Rogue thought to himself as he jumped behind a stack of boxes and watched Sakaki walk out into the middle of Mac Anu's town square.

Throwing his hands into the air, the green-haired man exclaimed, "DENIZENS OF THE WORLD, TELL ME...DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

"...Are you Freddy Krueger?" suggested one person.

"I know! I know! It's Toru Uike, right?" said another.

"Nah! That dude is definitely Barack Obama!" cried a third person.

Sakaki thought for a moment.

"WHOEVER SAID 'TORU UIKE' GETS A FREE PLUSH TOY," Sakaki proclaimed.

"YES!"

"...BUT YOU'RE ALL STILL FUCKED ANYWAY." Sakaki finished with a devious snarl.

Before anyone could react, Sakaki slammed both of his hands into the ground, sending a powerful shockwave throughout the system. A wave of rainbow-colored energy burst from his body and washed over the entirety of The World, transforming all female PCs into male PCs. At that same moment, Endrance, Yata, Ovan and Kuhn logged back into The World, and watched in horror as a female Macabre Dancer transformed into a feminine male Twin Blade right before their eyes.

"THIS IS MADNESS!" Kuhn shrieked.

"MADNESS? THIS...IS..." Before Yata could finish making a popular movie reference, Kuhn placed a hand over his mouth to shut him up.

Everywhere throughout Earth, people were freaking out as their PCs were all transformed into male characters out of nowhere. Doom Online, FF XI, World of Warcraft, Star Wars Galaxies...everything was effected by Sakaki's deadly virus program.

Laughing at all the chaos and insanity that had erupted around him, Sakaki said, "YES! SCREAM AND RUN IN TERROR! NOT A SINGLE FEMALE PC EXISTS ANY LONGER IN ANY ONLINE MMORPG! NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, THERE IS NO TURNING BACK; YOU WILL ALL BE FORCED TO CREATE A YAOI UTOPIA TO FULFILL YOUR VIRTUAL SEXUAL DESIRES! BWA HA HA HA!"

Haseo knew Sakaki was a filthy bastard...but this was too much, even for him!

"DAMN YOU, SAKAKI!" Haseo shouted as he jumped out and, running straight at Sakaki, he pulled out his scythe.

Sakaki shook his head at Haseo's foolishness and fired a rainbow-colored beam from his eyes, which completely dematerialized Haseo the moment it hit him.

Now that all of his enemies were out of the way, Sakaki just laughed and laughed...

A dark age was befalling The World...


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: PART 2 BEGINS...!! I know alot of people probably don't care, but it's a big deal for me, since this is the most chapters for a story I'll probably ever make (Not counting my poor Pairings Madness fics, which had to be deleted), so...cheers!

Also, I had a dream once that a Japanese fanart website was drawing a doujinshi of this fic. That would've been awesome to see in real life!

* * *

_We'll start of Part 2 with the Azure Knights' dilemma..._

"So...what do you say, Kaede? Do you accept all of us as your lovers?" Azure Balmung asked with a seductive wiggle of his eyebrows.

Azure Kite and Azure Orca both also looked to Kaede and waited for her response.

Unfortunately, poor Kaede was much too confused and flustered to even truly understand the situation anymore.

"Uh...um...I...guh...Sparta...duh..."

"GAH! SHE JUST FINISHED OFF THE POPULAR MOVIE REFERENCE YATA WAS MAKING LAST CHAPTER!" Azure Orca cried out, but no one paid any attention to him. After all, he only really spoke about muffins most of the time, anyway.

"Are...are you okay?" Azure Kite asked her.

Kaede looked like she was going to faint; she had admirers who admitted feelings for her before, but NPCs...and three of them? It was all too much.

But, before she could say anything, a huge rainbow-like wave burst through the air...and Kaede's boobs disappeared.

"HOLY CRAP! I'M A GUY!" She...I mean, he cried out in a much deeper voice now.

The three Azure Knights couldn't believe what had happened. Someone had hacked the entire system of The World and altered it...turning Kaede into a guy? And why did it have to happen just as they were asking her out?

Pulling out their weapons, Azure Kite and his two 'brothers' only had one goal in mind now:

'WE'RE GONNA ICE THE FUCKER WHO DID THIS!'

* * *

_In the real world..._

"So...what's the status report?"

"Well, sir...Players Silabus, Bo and Zelkova are currently logged off, and Players Pi, Bordeaux, Atoli, Tabby, Shino, Saku and Aina have all been affected by this virus program. Coincidentally, Bordeaux didn't change all that much, besides losing her boobs. She was already pretty manish-looking anyway..."

"Hmm, I see...what about Haseo?"

"Player Haseo...he's in the hospital. He kept screaming about wanting to have dirty man sex, and blood was seeping out of the side of his temple...he won't be playing any net games for a while..."

"Damn, this is bad. Player Sakaki is once again doing nothing but causing us grief!"

"...Why didn't we just end his account last time he tried to take over The World, sir?"

"Hey, don't ask me. I'm just a random bum."

"Oh, yeah...I forgot."

"Anyway, give me your hot dog or die, fucker!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHaaaaaahhhhhhhhAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

* * *

_Back in 'The World'..._

Kuhn was crying to himself in a corner as Yata, Ovan and Endrance were busy fighting off several female-turned-male PCs who were trying to rape them.

"GIVE US YOUR CYBER-VIRGINITY BECAUSE WE HAVE NO SOCIAL LIVES!" One of them demanded before Endrance disemboweled him.

"No matter how many we fight off, they just keep coming! It's endless!" Yata cried, narrowingly dodging a Shadow Warlock's Vak Don spell in the process.

"We need to aim for the source! We have to get Sakaki!" Endrance said as he leaped over a few of the zombie-like transmales and made his way out to Mac Anu's town square.

"NO, ENDRANCE," Ovan called, "DON'T BE A HERO!...I WANT TO BE A HERO!"

"Too bad!" Endrance called back, and Ovan cursed under his breath as he blew one persistent enemy's brains out with his bayonet.

While beheading a few of them with his fan, Yata asked, "So...what should we call these things? We need a good long-standing name that'll last for the rest of this fic!"

"...How about we just call them 'transman zombies'? They desire cyber-sex the same way the undead desire brains!" Kuhn suggested.

"Nah! Too long!" Yata replied.

"Let's call them 'transzombies', then!" Ovan exclaimed as he slammed his foot through one guy's chest.

Yata sighed. "Very well...it makes sense, I think."

Anyway, back with Endrance, when he reached town square he came to a horrible sight; a huge spiral tower had rose from the ground and it pierced the virtual heavens...and it was rainbow-colored. Millions of transzombies surrounded it, bowing down and chanting various mutterings under their breath.

On the very top of the tower was Sakaki, who now had taken a form similar to his Zenith form from Volume 3 of the games, except there was more rainbow color in his palette this time. Despite the fact that Endrance was thousands of virtual miles below Sakaki's current position, they were still able to hear each other just fine.

"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, ENDRANCE? I AM THE ULTIMATE RULER! BUT, BECAUSE THERE HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF GIMMICK, I'M GOING TO CREATE A SPECIAL EVENT, AND THE WINNERS GET TO FIGHT ME!" Sakaki exclaimed, his madness and power growing with every word.

"...Is this going to be another tournament?" Endrance asked.

"WHAT'S IT TO YOU?" Sakaki snapped.

"Because," Endrance replied, "in every single game of .hack/G.U., we had to waste our time going through some stupid tournament to fight the enemies, and then we get to do better stuff for the rest of the game! CC2 had to reuse the same old cliche play device to keep the games from being too short! I am not going through a tournament again!"

"TOO BAD. IT IS A TOURNAMENT. IT'LL START IN A FEW DAYS. I'LL E-MAIL THE RULES TO YOU AND ALL THE PATHETIC FOOLS YOU KNOW IN A FEW MOMENTS!" Sakaki said, smiling to himself as Endrance then let out an anguished groan of annoyance. He loved pissing people off.

Since there was nothing else he could do at the moment, Endrance decided to go and get a virtual smoothie...but then the transzombies mauled him.

* * *

Iori Nakanishi, Bo's player, was crying heavily into his pillows over Haseo's rejection of him when he heard a 'beep' come from his computer.

Lifting his head, he thought, 'An...an e-mail? Is it from Haseo...?'

Iori slowly crawled out of bed and sat at his desk to check.

Looking closer, he saw that the sender of the message was from someone named 'YAOIUTPOIAKING' and the e-mail's subject was titled 'RAINBOW TOURNAMENT RULES'...


	16. Chapter 16

THE RULES TO THE RAINBOW TOURNAMENT, AS WRITTEN BY AND DICTATED BY 'SUPERIOR-BAD-GUY-BY-TRADE' RAINBOW LORD SAKAKI:

1. Any number of people in a group is fine; even if you reach the end, I'll easily kill all of you!

2. There are 5 floors with an immensely powerful, and immensely gay, opponent that you must fight. One on One battles only. A certain floor will be a double battle, so Two on Two. Other members of your group can choose to stay and watch your fight, or go ahead to the next floor. So there are 6 opponents, and myself. THAT ADDS UP TO THE NUMBER '7', IN CASE YOU'RE RETARDED AND DIDN'T KNOW THIS!

3. No whining abut how this is unfair, okay? afghklkhhorur2sdfnlkheioawhvlksdhg!!

4. blah, blah, blah, blah...JUST TRY AND FIGHT ME SO I CAN KILL YOU!

5. HAVE FUN, BUTT-MUNCHES!

* * *

_Two days before the 'Rainbow Tournament'..._

After receiving messages about the tournament and its rules, all the members of the Rainbow Guild met up in their base to discuss what to do about the situation.

Although it took Silabus, Bo and Zelkova to get over the fact that Pi no longer the buxom, top-heavy sex fiend she once was, they were able to begin the meeting. Silabus sat at the head chair, of course, and Zelkova rested on his lap and purred softly as his boyfriend scratched him gently behind the ear.

"Gah! I hate being a man! I liked having boobs! And how can I make out with women when everybody's a guy?" Tabby cried out, but no one paid attention to him.

Besides Bordeaux, Atoli, Saku and Aina hadn't changed much either, due to them already having been flat-chested and somewhat boyish-looking. Still, none of the guild's female-turned-male members were happy about this unsettling change.

"...Are you imitating Dr. Evil?" Bo asked.

Silabus, who had his pinky finger by the edge of his mouth, gasped and cried out, "I AM NOT! SHUT UP AND GIVE ME THE LIST OF SAKAKI'S RULES ALREADY!"

Sighing, Bo handed it to him.

Reading over the rules again, Silabus then asked, "So...what should we do? You wanna join it?"

"YEAH! LET'S KICK A FAG-IN-DENIAL'S ASS!" Silo-Grunty exclaimed, but he then got a boot to the head and was silenced.

"This is most definitely a trap...but we should do it anyway! The whole 'tournament' thing worked out for us in the end the last three times we did it, right?" Atoli (His new male name among the group was 'Atoll' but she refused to be called that) said.

Silabus knew Atoli had a point there, but he wasn't too keen on participating in any tournament set up by Sakaki ever again after what happened last time.

"C'mon, it's only six opponents and Sakaki! That's why less than what we had to deal with in the past!" Bordeaux exclaimed, "This'll be a piece of cake! We're all definitely strong enough! Hell, I'll fight them all off if you want me to!"

Pi shook his head. "They'll all probably be high-ranked players in The World. Sakaki may be in denial about his sexual orientation, but he's not a fool; he has alot of connections, and he probably hired some super powerful opponents to fight for him."

"That reminds me; why the hell isn't CC2 doing anything about this? I mean, they ARE responsible for the well-being of The World and all its players, right?" Bo interjected.

Suddenly, Zelkova sat up and said, "Kid, when you've been playing The World as long as I have, you learn that CC2 is really nothing more than a greedy democratic corporation run by a bunch of brain-diseased little twats. Seriously, back in the original version of The World, when I was as a hacker named-"

Silabus bonked Zelkova on the head and the little Flick Reaper rolled over and fell onto the floor, unconscious.

"ISN'T HE SO PRECIOUS WHEN HE'S ASLEEP? YES HE IS!" Silabus cooed in a malicious tone.

Tabby stared at Zelkova for a moment, and then exclaimed, "Hey, he IS precious when he's asleep! Yes he is!"

Silabus pulled out his sword and tossed it at Tabby's head, claiming he was 'checking out his shota boyfriend'.

As the other guild members continued to argue, Bo glanced over at Saku and Aina, who were sitting togther and being silent as always.

'Dammit...just who is she? Maybe she really is Saku...or maybe she isn't. Maybe she doesn't even know herself...' Bo thought, so many questions still swirling around in his mind. He was also still a bit emotionally unstable after what happened between him and Haseo, but he kept that to himself so as not to make the others feel sorry for him.

Suddenly, Silabus slammed his hand on the table and exclaimed, "ALRIGHT, IT'S DECIDED! WE'RE GOING TO JOIN THIS STUPID LITTLE TOURNAMENT AND BRING IT TO AN END BEFORE BAD MEMORIES OF THE PAST REAR THEIR UGLY HEADS!"

Everyone agreed with their leader's decision, and they all signed up together as one team. For the rest of the day, they trained in the highest-leveled areas and fought every monster they came across. They would train to an inch of their lives, then they would heal, and then they would train all over again.

Bo did exceptionally well, because all he did was envision the monsters he were fighting all looked like Haseo, and his inner rage would swell up and he would unleash more power than ever, completely destroying all opponents.

As Bo fought, Saku watched on, and wondered why he seemed to be able to feel Bo's emotional termoil deep in his heart...

* * *

"SAKAKI, YOU SON OF A MUTHERFUCKIN' PIECE OF SHIT BITCH!"

Sakaki, who was busy making a rainbow-colored robe and matching crown to wear, turned and saw the three Azure Knights standing before him. Since the tournament wasn't going to start for two more days, no one was inside the tower, so the Azure Knights just walked up there to get their swift and painful revenge on the sick green-haired bastard.

"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR TURNING KAEDE INTO A MAN!" Azure Balmung shouted in a booming voice.

"Kaede...Kaede...Kaede? Oh...you mean Zelkova's whore? Like your mom?" Sakaki replied with a smug look on his face.

Holding his sword high, Azure Orca took a step forward in front of his two brothers and exclaimed, "MOMMY AURA WAS NOT A WHORE! TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK!"

Sakaki scoffed, and brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Your mother...Aura...is nothing but a skanky slutty whore! Yeah, that's right! I called her a 'whore'...because that's what she is! She's a BISEXUAL whore! She fucked Kite! She fucked Mistral! She fucked BlackRose! She fucked Piros! She fucked Cubia! She fucked Skeith! She fucked Elk! She fucked Tsukasa! She fucked Shugo and Rena! She fucked Yata! She fucked YOU! SHE FUCKED ME! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!"

Sakaki threw his head back and laughed triumphantly, acting like his whole insulting speech actually did anything. Azure Orca just stood there, twitching violently.

"Dude...you are now so totally screwed." Azure Balmung suddenly remarked.

"...What?" Sakaki asked.

"Of the three of us here, Azure Orca is the most attached to mother," Azure Balmung explained, "He'll kill anyone who he even THINKS said something bad about Aura, even if they were actually talking about something completely different. Also...our mom is not a whore. She's a very caring person and we love her. That's why we protect her. You fuckin' bastard."

Roaring like a deranged beast, Azure Orca charged at Sakaki with such speed that there was barely enough time to react.

"MOMMY AURA'S NOT A WHOREEEEEEE!!" Azure Orca screamed as he thrust his sword deep into Sakaki's left rib. Sakaki cursed loudly and unsheathed his Broad Sword, despite the injuries he sustained.

Sakaki raised his sword high and brought it down fast, slicing Azure Orca's sword arm clean off. Azure Orca cried out and stumbled back as he stared at his new stump of an arm in disbelief; Sakaki pulled Azure Orca's sword out of his body and tossed it to the side.

"DAMN YOU!" snapped Azure Orca, and he tried to grab his sword with his other arm, but it too was dismembered by Sakaki's giant blade.

Now armless, Azure Orca closed his eyes and awaited his death. Then, just as Sakaki was about to behead the poor Azure Knight, Azure Kite and Azure Balmung jumped into the fray and landed a series of powerful kicks to Sakaki's face.

"LEAVE OUR BROTHER ALONE! HE'S THE ONE HOLDING THE HOUSE KEYS!" Azure Kite shouted, and he then dug his Twin Blade weapon into Sakaki's face and kicked him in the side of the head, sending Sakaki smashing into the wall.

Azure Balmung ran over to help Azure Orca, but suddenly a rainbow-colored tentacle shot out of Sakaki's chest and pierced him through the head. Azure Orca let out a cry of horror as he watched his beloved brother slump to the ground and dematerialize.

Laughing insanely, Sakaki lifted himself up from the ground; all of his wounds had healed and more and more rainbow tentacles formed all over his body.

"OH GOD, YOU KILLED MY BROTHER WITH TENTACLE RAEP! YOU BASTARD!" Azure Kite shouted, before his head was violently torn to pieces without warning.

Azure Orca screamed for help, but it was no use. Like his brothers, he too was then easily finished off by Sakaki's overwhelming rainbow power.

Letting out a breath of relief, Sakaki's rainbow tentacles vanished and his body returned to normal.

'It seems I can only use my full power for a limited amount of time...how troublesome...' Sakaki thought as he went back to work on his robe and crown.

Suddenly, an idea came to him; an idea that would make this little tournament of his all the more interesting.

"...GlaDOS?" He said aloud.

"YES, MASTER SAKAKI?" replied a monotone female voice.

"I have a job for you..."

"


	17. Rainbow Tournament Begins!

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Virus Alert!' the song; Weird Al Yankovic does.

* * *

It was quiet...and dark. Silence...

Then! A spotlight appears, with Kuhn standing under it, on one knee. In his hand was a mic. Slowly, he lifted himself up to his feet.

Bringing the mic to his lips, Kuhn began to sing:

"Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please  
Really want to give you a warning!  
'Cause I found out this morning  
'Bout a dangerous, insidious computer virus  
If you should get any mail with the subject: "Stinky Cheese"  
Better not go taking your chances  
Under no circumstances  
Should you open it or else it will...  
Translate your documents into Swahili!  
Make your TV record "Gigli"!  
Neuter your pets and give your laundry static cling!"

"(Look out!) It's gonna make your computer screen freeze!  
(Look out!) Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs!  
(Look out!) Erase your hard drive and your back-ups too!  
And the hard drive of anyone related to you!"

"Virus alert!"

"Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!  
Forward this message on to everybody!"

"Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls!  
It'll make your keyboard all sticky!  
Give your poodle a hickey!  
And invest your cash in stock in Euro Disney!  
Then it will tie up your phone making prank long distance calls!  
It'll set your clocks back an hour!  
And start hogging the shower!  
So just trash it now, or else it will...  
Decide to give you a permanent wedgie!  
Legally change your name to Reggie!  
Even mess up the pH balance in your pool!"

"(Look out!) It's gonna melt your face right off of your skull!  
(Look out!) And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull!  
(Look out!) And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're tryin' to sleep!  
(Look out!) And make you physically attracted to sheep!  
(Look out!) Steal your identity and your credit cards!  
(Look out!) Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards!  
(Look out!) Then cause a major rift in time and space!  
And leave a bunch of Twinkie wrappers all over the place!  
That's right, it's a..."

"Virus alert!!  
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!  
Forward this message on to everybody!  
Virus alert!  
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!  
Forward this message on to everybody!  
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody!  
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now!"

"If you get infected, you'll wish you had never been born  
So before it e-mails your grandmother all of your porn..."

"Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down!  
Drop it in a 43-foot hole in the ground!  
Bury it completely, rocks and boulders should be fine!  
Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were online!"

"Virus alert!  
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!  
Forward this message on to everybody!  
Virus alert!  
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!  
Forward this message on to everybody!  
Virus alert!  
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!  
Forward this message on to everybody!  
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody!  
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now!  
What are you waiting for?  
Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know!!  
Hit... send... right... now!!"

And, with his song done, Kuhn bowed and awaited applause. Instead, Yata ran in and punched the poor guy in the head.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? THAT'S NOT GOING TO WARN ANYONE ABOUT THAT FAGGY VIRUS SAKAKI CREATED! AND WHY WERE YOU SINGING A WEIRD AL SONG?" Yata snapped.

"I wanted to entertain the empty-headed masses..." Kuhn replied pitifully, to which Yata just hit him again.

"We should have just played 'Edge'...that song's cool! Plus, it's a .hack song!" Ovan suggested as he also stepped into the spotlight.

"Whatever..." Khun said with a shrug.

Suddenly, the spotlight went dead, and all three of them were engulfed in darkness.

"..."

"..."

"...Don't touch my ass."

"Sorry."

* * *

It was finally the day of Sakaki's blasted tournament. Silabus, Bo and the rest of the Rainbow Guild all met outside of Sakaki's tower and made sure they had all their best equipment attached. The entire city of Mac Anu was deserted except for them, and a certain group of guys...

"Yo! Good luck getting your asses kicked today!" Kuhn exclaimed as he, Yata, Ovan and Endrance walked up to the group.

When Ovan laid his eyes on Aina, and saw that she had been turned into a short-haired male version of herself, he cried out in anguish and ran off to drown his sorrows in tears and virtual alcohol.

"I wish you all the best of luck! If you win...bring me back a souvenir, okay? I can hang Sakaki's head up in the Serpent of Lore!" Yata said, shaking Silabus' hand firmly before leaving.

Every couple in the Rainbow Guild both gave each other a nod and held hands tightly as they marched into the depths of the tower. The only person who didn't get to hold any hands was Bo, because he was secretly a loser.

After walking up a few flights of stairs, the group came to the first floor.

They immediately noticed a shadowy figure standing in the back of the room, but Silabus easily recognized the person...

"ALKAID, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Silabus cried.

Sure enough, it was Alkaid who then stepped out of the darkness and exclaimed, "Eh? What...what are all you guys doing here? I'm so confused!"

"ALKAID, I THOUGHT I SAID I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" Silabus snapped.

"It's not like I wanted to see you either, you gay bastard!" Alkaid replied, flipping her middle finger at the green-clad leader.

Bo looked to Atoli and asked, "Uh...they know each other?"

Atoli nodded and let out a sigh. "Yes...Alkaid was originally a founding member of the Rainbow Guild. And...I was in love with her."

"WHAT? REALLY?"

"...Yes, but then she left us without a word..." Atoli turned his eyes away, although Bo could tell he was crying now.

Today, Bo now learned that every person he's met on the Internet since becoming friends with Haseo is gay...except for Ovan and Yata, but they're lolicons, so it's just as bad, if not worse.

"Hey...how come Sakaki's virus didn't turn you into a man? Not that there'd be much change..." Silabus asked.

Alkaid blushed a bit as she replied, "W-Well...I don't know. It just didn't affect me, that's all. I'm sort of a man at heart, I guess..."

Silabus scoffed. "Damn right you are; how many rugs you been munching lately?"

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHH..."

Alkaid gritted her teeth and pulled out her Twin Blades. "LET'S JUST FIGHT ALREADY SO I CAN KILL YOU WITH MY OWN HANDS, YOU BASTARD!" She shouted at Silabus.

However, just as Silabus pulled out his sword, Atoli stepped forward and said, "Silabus...let me fight her. Please."

Despite Atoli now being a man, Alkaid could still tell it was her, mainly due to the clothes and hair and everything.

'Atoli...is...is that really you?'


	18. Atoli Vs Alkaid

A/N: By the way, these chapters are also an experiment for me to practice writing fighting sequences, which I'm not very good at doing. I'll try my best, though, and that's all that matters!

* * *

_Continuing where we last left off..._

_The song "Memento Mori" of Kamelot begins to play in the backgroun (look it up on Youtube or something)..._

"...Uh, are you sure you want to fight her, Atoli?" Silabus asked, "I mean, she's a highly-skilled Twin Blade, and...you're a Harvest Cleric. A FUCKIN' HARVEST CLERIC. AND, JUST IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW, HARVEST CLERICS CAN'T REALLY FIGHT AT ALL!"

Turning to him, Atoli replied, "Silabus...you have to trust me, okay? I can take her. I want to make her regret ever leaving me!" The Harvest Cleric's eyes were practically on fire. His inner rage was rather similar to his own, Bo noted.

"...You two were never together." Silabus remarked nervously.

"SHUT UP!" Atoli snapped.

Alkaid sighed and interjected, "Hey, Silabus, are you gonna hurry up and finish talking to your gay little friend and let me cut him up now? I have some lesbian porn that I definitely need to watch soon before my parents get home!"

"Alkaid, you know it's actually me. Just say my name already." Atoli said; his demeanor had suddenly become cold and cruel. He really wanted to teach Alkaid a lesson.

Cursing under her breath, Alkaid muttered, "Fine...Atoli...do you really think you can win at all? I mean, seriously, you're a Harv-"

"I KNOW!" Atoli screamed, and then he dashed forward and smashed the side of his staff against Alkaid's head without a moment's hesitation. It was so fast that no one, especially not Alkaid herself, had expected it.

"GUH..." Alkaid coughed up a splotch of blood and skidded across the floor until she stopped herself by digging her Twin Blades into the ground. After only one attack, the red-haired dyke was already looking badly beaten.

Pushing hard into the ground, Alkaid launched herself forward and swung her blades wildly, both strikes narrowingly missing Atoli's face.

"ATOLI, BITE HER NIPPLES! THAT'LL SLOW HER DOWN FOR A FEW SECONDS!" Bo shouted, always one to give good advice.

Atoli used his rod to block another of Alkaid's dangerous strikes, and then he asked, "Alkaid...tell me...why did you leave the Rainbow Guild?"

"Because," Alkaid replied as she struck again, "I...I had no one! Silabus was always wasting his time chasing after little boys and everything...and I was too afraid of rejection to find a girl, so...I left out of jealousy towards Silabus' openess and my own self-pity! No one loved me!"

Atoli countered another strike and then slammed the end of his rod against Alkaid's stomach, knocking her back. Standing tall and proud, Atoli exclaimed, "ALKAID...YOU'RE WRONG! YOU WERE LOVED! I LOVED YOU!"

"...W-What about all that stuff about liking me...?" Shino asked aloud.

"I'm sorry, Shino, it was more out of desire to love someone that I 'fell' for you." Atoli said, not moving his gaze away from Alkaid, who was dumbstruck by the confession, "You and Tabby can be together forever now."

"DAMN, THIS IS GETTING GOOD! I WISH I BROUGHT POPCORN!" Bo exclaimed, but then Silabus handed him a bag of popcorn and told him to just sit back and enjoy the lesbian drama. Just as a reminder, they weren't turned on by this AT ALL! God, this is the gayest fic I've ever written...

Gritting her teeth, Alkaid raised her blades and suddenly screamed, "YOU'RE LYING! I KNOW YOU ARE! CHAOTIC STRIKE!"

Atoli cried out for Alkaid to listen to reason, but the red-head was too consumed with her own conflicting emotions to pay any attention to him. Dashing up to Atoli, Alkaid sliced her blade into the female-turned-male's stomach and sent him flying high into the air with a kick to the face.

"HOW DARE YOU TRY AND MESS WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THAT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Then, as Atoli was still in mid-air, dazed and in pain, Alkaid jumped up in front of her and began rapidly tearing into the Harvest Cleric's body, causing virtual blood to splatter everywhere. Finally, Alkaid slammed the hilts of her blades down on Atoli's head and the poor girl crashed into the ground.

Atoli let out a strangled cry...and then silence.

"HOLY CRAP! DO IT AGAIN!" Bo cheered, but Silabus smacked him on the head to shut him up.

Alkaid stood over Atoli's still body and laughed triumphantly...but that laughter soon broke down into pained sobs and she fell to her knees. The others ran over and Silabus Atoli's virtual pulse for a moment.

Sighing, he said, "Damn...why'd we have to lose our only Harvest Cleric in the first round?"

"I'm...I'm so s-s-sorry...A-Atoli...I...I...don't even understand...why did I get so mad...?" Alkaid asked herself as she cradled Atoli in her arms. Closing her eyes, Alkaid then leaned down and gently kissed Atoli on the lips, her tears dripping off of her cheeks and onto Atoli's pale face.

Suddenly, something strange began to happen...no, wait, nothing happened at all, I'm sorry.

"Uh...even though Atoli lost, can we still go to the next round?" Silabus asked hopefully.

Alkaid nodded slightly, and then went back to kissing Atoli, despite the fact that he/she was now a dead virtual corpse.

Then, without warning, Atoli came back to life and slammed his rod against Alkaid's head, knocking her out.

Silabus was at a loss for words, as was everyone else. "GUH...BUH..WHA...EHH...HOW DID YOU DO THAT?"

Atoli smirked and gave made a 'V' sign with his fingers. "I'm a master at 'playing dead'! Of course, I made sure to stay 'dead' until after Alkaid kissed me! Damn, I can't wait until I'm a woman again! I want to rub my body against hers and-"

All in all, this whole battle made little sense.

And so, the first fight ended in a victory for the Rainbow Guild. Now, round 2 was next! The opponent this time was none other than...

"SOPHORA, FORMER CAPTAIN OF MOON TREE'S SIXTH DIVISION, THE HEALING CORPS.! ALSO, ON AN UNRELATED NOTE, SHE'S A FURRY!"

'It seems we're about to face our most dangerous foe yet; a furry!' Silabus thought as he and his group ran up the stairway to the next floor.


	19. Silabus Vs Sophora?

A/N: In the '.hack/Alcor' manga, the person who plays as Sophora originally had another PC named Nanase, and she was in love with Silabus! She also thought that Alkaid was a rival in obtaining Silabus' affection, which wasn't actually true. I'm definitely going to have to add some mentions about that in this chapter, even if Silabus doesn't get to fight yet!

* * *

When the Rainbow Guild group reached the second floor, the entire interior style had changed to take on a more ancient japanese theme; the floor was replaced with red paneling and banzai trees were sprouting out of the corners. In the middle of the room was a set of pillows, and sitting on top of said pillows was Sophora.

"So...you're a lesbian, huh? Never would have guessed it. Damn furry bitch..." Silabus said coldly.

Sophora raised her head; her face was hidden underneath the large hat she always wore.

"You're still as cruel and heartless as ever, Silabus." Sophora remarked. She reached into her back and pulled out her weapons, which happened to be Dual Blades A.K.A. Twin Blades.

"ANOTHER TWIN BLADE USER?" Bo exclaimed, "YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME!"

"I also have 'Harvest Cleric' form." Sophora said.

"Never mind...I'm sick of both Twin Blades AND Harvest Clerics!" Bo replied.

"Well, I'm sick of lesbians! Not that I don't mind, but...when do we fight some gay guys?" Zelkova asked next.

"Uh...next is the double battle; it's Hiiragi and Nala." Sophora replied.

"Oh...the only canonical gay guy and Yata's alter ego...whoot...I'm so excited..."

"Hold on...what do you mean I'm 'still cruel and heartless'? I've never personally met you until today!" Silabus snapped.

"...You think that, don't you?" Sophora hissed.

"BESIDES, I HATE FURRIES! SO...WE HAVE NO RELATION! NONE! NONE, I SAY!" Silabus declared, feeling quiet full of himself.

"But..." Bo said.

"NONE!" Silabus snapped.

Sophora couldn't take it anymore; reaching up, she took off her hat, revealing her face, with had ears and fur and...a wet nose and...holy crap!

"GAAAAAAHHHHH!!" Silabus shrieked as he shielded his face, "IT BURRRRNNNNNNSSSSSSSS!!"

"YOU IDIOT...HOW CAN YOU NOT RECOGNIZE MY VOICE? IT'S ME...I WAS NANASE, THE GIRL WHO PROCLAIMED YOUR FEELINGS FOR YOU! BUT...YOU REJECTED ME! AND THAT TURNED ME INTO A LESBIAN!" Sophora revealed, causing a wave of shock to overcome everyone in the room.

"Silabus...is this true?" Pi asked her leader.

Silabus thought for a moment. "Hmm...I...I do remember...yes...Nanase...that's you..."

Sophora nodded and exclaimed, "EXACTLY! NOW YOU REMEMBER ME, YOU TERRIBLE BASTARD!"

"Nanase...I'm so sorry...I broke your heart so bad that it made you turn to women for sexual comfort...I'm so sorry..." Silabus whimpered; he really sounded like he felt bad for what he did.

In fact, he sounded so guilty that it even made Sophora feel bad for yelling at him.

Sophora was just about to apologize actually when a beam of rainbow energy burst from the ceiling and desinigrated her.

"GAY PEOPLE DON'T APOLOGIZE!" Sakaki's voice boomed over the loud speaker.

"Hey, we won! That was easy!" Bo exclaimed.

Everyone was glad that Sakaki came in just in time to spare them from making a fighting scene.

So, the second battle ended without an actual battle. Now, the third fight, a double battle, was coming next!

As the group climbed the stairs, Silabus thought, 'Damn...it's a good thing I pretended as if I knew who the hell Nanase was when I did...'


	20. Pi, Bordeaux Vs Hiiragi, Nala

Within the highest floor of the tower, Sakaki sat on his throne, watching the Rainbow Guild's advance through a set of security monitors.

As the group came closer to reaching the third floor, Sakaki smirked. The third floor, the double battle, was of no special importance to him, besides one certain thing. The fourth and fifth floors, however...

'Heh...GlaDOS did a very good job in preparing the last two floors...the final enemies they will face to reach me will help create some drama...heh heh heh...'

By the way, Sakaki was also now wearing his rainbow-colored robe and crown, and he still denied he was gay.

* * *

When the Rainbow Guild group finally came to the third room, they found Hiiragi and Nala sitting on the floor, playing a card game.

"Go fish..." Hiiragi mumbled as he slapped a single card down on the ground.

"I SUMMON EXODIA THE FORBIDDEN ONE!" Nala exclaimed, "AND YOU LOSE ALL YOUR LIFE POINTS!"

'What the hell kind of card game are they playing?' Bo wondered to himself.

Since neither Hiiragi nor Nala had noticed them yet, Zelkova cupped his hands around his mouth and said, "Hey, Nala, I never knew you were gay!"

"I'M BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL, YOU IDIOT!" Nala replied, but then Hiiragi slapped a rainbow-colored collar around his neck and activated it by pressing a red button on the side.

"What did you say...my pet?" Hiiragi asked his teammate in a sinister voice.

Nala cried out in pain as a surge of electricity burst through his body, and then he collapsed. After a moment, though, he slowly lifted himself up to his feet and said in a monotone voice, "Yes...I am gay." He had a dead, brainless look on his face.

Hiiragi laughed into his hand and exclaimed, "Do you see, you pathetic worms? As long as I have the 'Rainbow Collar' in my possession, Nala has no choice but to be my mindless virtual sex slave!"

"Let me guess...Sakaki gave it to you, right?" Bo asked.

Hiiragi nodded and then pulled out his weapon, a fan known as "Peach Blossom". Then, he turned to Nala and nodded to him; the older man also reached into his back and retrieved a giant lance that only those of the 'Lord Partizan' class could wield.

"I will always follow Sakaki faithfully, and the fact that I can finally act even more gay than usual makes me so happy! So...I can't let any of you pass!" Hiiragi exclaimed, his expression changing to a more serious one.

Silabus started to take out his sword when Pi and Bordeaux stepped forward, their weapons already prepared.

"Sorry, Silabus...let us take them. People who force others to love them make me sick!" Bordeaux exclaimed furiously.

"Yeah, and we want to actually do something for once!" Pi added.

'What about us...? We haven't done anything, either!' Tabby and Shino wondered.

'Pi is a Tribal Grappler...I wonder if she's into Tribadism?' Bo wondered.

Now that the fighters from Rainbow Guild have been chosen, Hiiragi wasted no more time in standing around; he slammed his fan onto the ground and shouted, "GAN BOLG!"

The ground began splitting and the crack sped towards Pi and Bordeaux with incredible speed, tearing apart the floor in its wake.

"DAMMIT!" Pi and Bordeaux both leaped to the side just in time to dodge the attack, and they retaliated by running at Hiiragi and Nala, ready to fight them.

Skidding to a stop in front of a dazed Nala, Pi shouted, "PALM BLAST!" He landed one right uppercut, one left uppercut, and a kick to the face, and then he slammed his palm against Nala's chest and sent him flying into the wall.

"NALA, YOU IDIOT-" Hiiragi cried out, but he stopped when Bordeaux's blade sliced him across the chest. Grunting in pain, Hiiragi fell to his knees and clutched his stomach, which was seeping with virtual blood. His eyes were wide with fright and confusion, and he was shaking slightly.

"IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO? I THOUGHT SAKAKI BROUGHT IN PLAYERS THAT ARE ACTUALLY WORTH A CHALLENGE!" Bordeaux shouted, kicking Hiiragi in the head for emphasis.

"...No..." whispered Hiiragi quietly.

"Hmm?" Bordeaux leaned in close to hear...and his head was sliced clean off his shoulders.

Bordeaux's headless body shook a bit before collapsing onto the ground and dematerializing.

"BORDEAUX!!" Pi screamed in horror, but there was nothing he could do.

Standing up, Hiiragi now had a look of pure madness in his eyes. A strange, rainbow-colored aura was flowing off of his body, and Nala, who had regained consciousness, let out a sharp cry before his body fell to pieces. From within the remains came a small orb of light that flew out and entered Hiiragi's body, causing the rainbow aura around him to become even more overwhelming.

Tabby let out a gasp. "He...He absorbed Nala's PC datacode! Now he has all of Nala's stats added to his own!" he explained, although no one bothered asking how he knew something like that.

"WHAT...WHAT...WHAT THE FUCK, MAN? YOU CAN'T JUST GO AND DO THINGS LIKE THIS!" Silabus exclaimed.

"I...I will not lose..." Hiiragi hissed, "I...I must...I must winnnn...for Sakaki-ssaaaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaaaa...I have activated the Rainbow Seed he planted within me to give me true power if I ever needed it..."

'But you only took one hit so far! Why use it so early?' Zelkova wondered.

Pi tried his best to control his emotions as he shouted, "Hiiragi...you'll pay for killing Bordeaux! I'll defeat you with my own fists! I can win this on my own and avenge my lover's death!"

Hiiragi smirked and replied, "Yes...I'd like to see you try...you ugly old hag!"

Pi charged at the glowing faggot and swung his fists at Hiiragi's face wildly, each punch easily dodged.

"RAAAHHHHH!!" Pi even tried kicking him, but Hiiragi avoided every hit with ease.

From the sidelines, Silabus was able to notice the problem in Pi's attack pattern. "She's too upset and distracted by Bordeaux being suddenly PKed! She's not thinking her attacks through correctly, and that's why she's missing!"

"But...I thought Pi was always calm and collected." Bo said.

"People change when the ones they love are in trouble..." Silabus exclaimed, sounding very philosophical all of the sudden.

Afraid that his beloved leader was becoming a philosopher, Bo decided to put him to the test.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained."

"DAMMIT, HE'S RIGHT!"

Anyway, back in the battle, Pi was starting to wear down; his attacks were slower and his body was riddled with injuries. Hiiragi cackled and was about to rip him to pieces with his evil rainbow aura when suddenly...

...half of his head blew off, and even more rainbow energy started to pour out.

Hiiragi clawed at his face and screamed, "GAAHH! MY...MY BODY...IT'S FALLING APART! WHY? WHAT'S GOING ONNNNNN?"

His entire body started to crack apart like broken glass, and rainbow energy flowed from his PC and seeped into the cracks in the floor.

"NO! NO! NO!" he screamed pitifully, "MY BEAUTIFUL BODY...DON'T...STOP...DON'T BREAK IT! SAKAKI...MY DEAR SAKAKI...HELP ME! HELP ME!"

Pi stepped back when Hiiragi reached out to her, as if hoping she could somehow save him.

"UGH...MY WONDERFUL PC...THIS RAINBOW ENERGY...IT'S TOO MUCH...IT CAN'T HOLD IT IN...AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

With one final plea for help, Hiiragi's body crumbled and he was dead. The rainbow energy burst into light and flew up the stairway, presumably back to Sakaki.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"WHAT...THE...FUCK...JUST...HAPPENED?"

Zelkova seemed to have an idea about it, so he said, "The rainbow power Hiiragi used had probably accumulated too much within him and it destroyed his PC from the inside. We've won two of our battles due to luck already. We need to save some of our luck for the last battle!"

Although Pi had (somehow) won the battle, she was too injured to go on, so she just stayed in the room and waited for them to return after beating Sakaki.

'I'm definitely going to fight the next opponent!' Silabus thought, excited to possibly be able to show off some of his new skills.

When the group came to the fourth floor, a shocking surprise awaited them...

"Hello...members of the Rainbow Guild."

"H...Haseo?!"


	21. Silabus Vs Haseo

True enough, the man standing before the Rainbow Guild group was none other than Haseo himself! ...Or at least someone who looked and sounded EXACTLY like Haseo. Smiling evilly, Haseo said, "Welcome...to the fourth floor."

"This can't be possible!" Bo cried, "From what I've heard, Haseo is still in the hospital after Sakaki PKed him a few chapters back!"

Haseo grinned and held out his arms wide open. "What are you talking about, my dear friend Bo?" he said, "It's obviously me, Haseo, the one and only!"

"...Then why is a weird orb with an eye poking out of your stomach?" Bo asked.

Haseo looked down and, sure enough, a round white mechanical orb was growing out of his stomach, and it was staring up back at him with a single giant red eye.

"HEY THERE, HOW'S IT GOING." chanted the orb in a monotone voice.

'I DON'T REMEMBER THAT THING BEING THERE!' Haseo thought.

Suddenly, the orb tore out of Haseo's stomach and created a long neck-like appendage out of his innards. A mouth then opened up under the orb's "eye", and it was full of razor sharp teeth.

"HELLO, AND WELCOME TO THE APERTURE SCIENCE - I MEAN, WELCOME TO THE ROOM OF YOUR DEATH! MY NAME IS GlaDOS!" the orb said almost cheerfully. As it spoke, Haseo's lips moved at the same time. It seemed he was struggling to break free, but it was no use.

"Ah! That's not Haseo at all! It's that GlaDOS thing, controlling his PC body with that orb!" Zelkova revealed, as he was obviously the smartest member of the guild.

Everyone, even GlaDOS and Haseo's PC, gasped at this revelation.

"SO...WHICH ONE OF YOU PATHETIC VIRTUAL MEAT BAGS WILL FIGHT ME AND DIE?" GlaDOS asked in her monotone voice again.

Bo figured that since he already felt a great and powerful hatred towards Haseo, he'd be able to bring down the house in a matter of minutes! However...

"I'll go! I need to at least get one fight in because I'm a main character! At least, I am in this fic anyway!" Silabus proclaimed, and he stepped up into the room's fighting zone and unsheathed his sword, leaving Bo feeling very worried about his leader's low possibility of survival.

Haseo/GlaDOS laughed at Silabus' puny weapon and asked, "DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME WITH THAT CHEAP PLASTIC SWORD?"

"Just shut the fuck up and fight me already...you cheap plastic whore!" Silabus snarled in reply.

Haseo/GlaDOS reached backwards, and Silabus figured he/she was going to pull out the usual scythe that Haseo always used...but it was something much different this time around.

Instead, he/she brought out a giant white portable cannon with a homing laser attachment. The front of the cannon slowly opened and revealed about five rows of numerous machine-gun barrels inside of it. The small red laser on top of the cannon aimed onto Silabus's face, and thousands of bullets flew out of the cannon's opening all at once.

"HOLY SHIT!" Silabus quickly jumped to the side and was able to dodge most of the bullets, although a few pierced his hair tail, which was more than enough to piss him off.

"YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOING DOWN!" Silabus shouted, and he charged straight at Haseo/GlaDOS, only to be shot at again.

Silabus dodged the gunfire once again, and he snapped, "STOP DOING THAT!"

"YOU SEEM TO BE ONLY GOOD AT DODGING...HAH HAH..." chided Haseo/GlaDOS.

Bo palm-faced and thought, 'This battle isn't going to go anywhere fast...'

As he avoided another barrage of bullets for the third time, Silabus finally realized how he could win this fight and come out without any injuries at the same time!

He skidded to a stop and turned his body so as to be face-to-face with Haseo/GlaDOS and his/her giant cannon. A confident smirk graced his lips and he lifted his sword into a fighting position.

"What are you doing, you idiot!" Atoli called from the sidelines, "You're gonna be ripped apart, you dumbass!"

Silabus crouched down and held his breath; he kept his sight on Haseo/GlaDOS's trigger finger, and then he saw him/her was about to fire the cannon again...

"THERE!"

Just as the bullets burst from the cannon, Silabus jumped high into the air, avoided the deadly array completely. Then, he landed on top of the cannon, right in front of the GlaDOS sphere sticking out of Haseo's chest.

"YOU S-SON OF A BITCH!" Haseo/GlaDOS hissed.

"And who would be the bitch that I'm a son of? You?" Silabus asked.

Haseo/GlaDOS was left speechless and utterly confused by that response.

Silabus swung his sword once, slicing GlaDOS's face in half and freeing Haseo's PC body from her control. About halfway before hitting the ground, Haseo's PC dematerialized and vanished.

Soon, the remains of GlaDOS and the cannon also dematerialized, and Silabus was the victor!

"That's how the gay play...bitch!" Silabus exclaimed triumphantly, but then his sword slipped out of his hand and it stabbed him in the foot.

"Wow...only one more opponent to go before we make to that faggot of a bastard Sakaki!" Bo noted, and all the others agreed about Sakaki being a faggot and all.

"Alright! LET'S...GOOOOOOOOO!!" shouted the Rainbow Guild group as they all ran up the stairs to the fifth floor.

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

Outside of the tower, Yata was still trying to comfort Ovan about Aina being turned into a boy, and Kuhn was walking around Mac Anu aimlessly. He was passing by an alleyway when he heard a voice call out weakily for help.

"P-Please...g-g-good sir...if you happen to have a portable oven with you...can...can you make me a m-muffin...?"

Kuhn peeked into the alleyway and said, "Sorry, I left my oven at home."

"B-BUT...MUFFINS HELP ME REGENERATE, YOU BASTARD!" snapped the voice, and then the owner of said voice slowly stepped out of the darkness: it was Azure Orca.

Both of his arms were missing and there was a huge hole in the middle of his chest; the poor Azure Knight was breathing heavily and it seemed he was using all his strength just to stand. He had barely escaped death by Sakaki's hands by warping himself to a different spot just as the final blow hit, but his two brothers weren't so lucky. It would take them at least a week before they could finish reforming their bodies.

"Oh...hey, Azure Orca." Kuhn said before walking off, leaving Azure Orca to fall to the floor and finally die.

* * *

At the fifth floor, everyone was shocked to find the place completely empty.

"WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE'S OUR OPPONENT SO WE CAN WIN AND FINALLY BEAT UP THAT SHITHEAD SAKAKI?"

Bo looked around for a moment, but then...a familiar song began to play.

'Oh god...it...it can't be...'

--

_'You woke up this morning  
Got yourself a gun,  
Mama always said you'd be  
The Chosen One._

_She said: You're one in a million  
You've got to burn to shine,  
But you were born under a bad sign,  
With a blue moon in your eyes._

_You woke up this morning  
All the love has gone,  
Your Papa never told you  
About right and wrong.'_

_--_

_"_Oh shit...it's the Soprano's song...that can only mean one thing...but how can it be-?" Atoli remarked as the song grew louder and louder.

Suddenly, a large portal opened in the middle of the room. After a moment, a familiar figure stepped out of the portal. He was a tall, muscular male PC; he had long black hair with several red-colored spikes poking out at the end. Various tattoos and markings covered his arms and face. His body was covered in normal peasant-level clothes...except for the huge silver-gold breastplate he wore. When his eyes opened, Bo and the others were shocked to see he had no irises whatsoever.

The man licked his lips and pulled out two guns...Dual Guns. A dark twisted energy seemed to flow from the barrels-

"HEY, THIS IS THE SAME DESCRIPTION USED WHEN YOU FIRST APPEARED!" Silabus exclaimed, but no one paid attention to him.

Cracking his neck, the man said, "TEITUS IS BACK, BABY!"


	22. Bo Vs Teitus

A/N: Only three chapters left of the 'Rainbow Tournament Saga' and then a last few chapters to tie up some loose ends, such as Saku and why Silabus can use an Avatar.

* * *

Bo shrieked and hid himself behind Atoli; bad memories of almost being cyber-raped were starting to resurface.

"No way! You're...Teitus!" exclaimed Silabus.

Teitus laughed and said, "You fags may have gotten lucky last time we met, but today...I'll kill all of you at once!"

Raising one of his Dual Guns, Teitus aimed it at Silabus' head, but then Zelkova stepped up and asked, "Hold on...how did you regain your hacker form? We fuckin' Data Drained you!"

"Yes, well," Teitus replied, "After that bastard Haseo PKed me for trying to cyber-rape your little friend Bo, I met Sakaki and he gave me back both my memories and my haxxor skills using that disturbingly gay Rainbow Power he has!"

Bo shivered and closed his eyes. 'No...No...I don't want to deal with him anymore...no...just...just make him go away...please...I know...I'll just turn off my computer now...so I won't have to deal with him anymore!'

"Bo will fight you and beat you, you heartless jackass!" Silabus suddenly cried out.

"W...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

Bo grabbed Silabus by the collar and shook him violently as he shouted, "Silabus, what the fuck are you saying? I can't fight that guy! Don't you under-"

Silabus broke out of Bo's grip and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. Nodding confidently to him, he said, "Bo...the only way to get over your fear is to face it head on and defeat it. You're the only one who can win this fight; and remember, when you win, all that's left is Sakaki himself!"

"Yeah, but...THAT GUY'S A FUCKIN' HACKER WITH MAXED OUT SKILLS AND STATS! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO BEAT A PSYCHO LIKE THAT?" Bo cried.

Silabus thought for a moment. That 'moment' soon became 30 seconds, and then five minutes, and finally...

"I got nothing." Silabus replied and he tossed Bo into the arena, wishing him best of luck.

"Well, well, well...if it isn't my favorite little boy?" Teitus chided, chuckling a bit.

Picking himself up off the ground, Bo pulled out his Grimoire, ready to try his best.

"GET ON THE HYDRA'S BACK!" Atoli called out as a piece of advice, although it made no sense in this situation whatsoever.

Teitus didn't even bother letting Bo use a single spell; he just aimed one of his Dual Guns at Bo's face and fired a single shot into his forehead.

"...Uhh..." With a small grunt, Bo collapsed to the floor.

Silabus and the others were all at a loss for words. They hadn't expected Bo to be killed THAT soon!

Teitus threw back his head and laughed proudly. "HA HA HA HA HA! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR DEFYING ME BACK THEN, YOU LITTLE GAY SHIT! HA HA! I HAVEN'T FELT THIS GOOD SINCE I WATCHED '2 GIRLS, 1 CUP'! HA HA HA HA!"

Silabus cursed under his breath. 'Dammit...Bo, why did you have to be such a weak little faggot?'

Teitus raised both of his guns and aimed them at the others. "I'm going to finish off you guys now, too." he said, and just as he was about to pull the trigger...

Bo stood up.

"...What the hell?" Teitus stammered, suddenly caught off guard.

In an instant, Bo vanished and reappeared right beside Teitus without anyone even seeing him move.

Reaching out, Bo clenched tightly onto Teitus' arm...and tore it clean off.

Bo's face was devoid of emotion as he stared at the dismembered arm for a moment before tossing it over his shoulder.

Teitus' face twitched in pain for a moment before he began screaming.

"G...G...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

His screams of pain caused the entire tower to shake violently. Silabus, Atoli and the others placed their hands over their ears in an attempt to block out the high-pitched shrieks, but Bo seemed completely unfazed by it.

"YOU DAMN SHRIMP!" Teitus screeched, and using his other arm, he fired several shots into Bo's body...but they had no effect on the boy.

Teitus was about to curse again, but he froze up when he realized the entire area around him had become pitch black.

Looking around wildly, he cried, "H...Hey, where the hell am I? What the fuck is going on? My arm...gah...my HP is actually falling...h-h-how is this p-possible...?"

Suddenly, something large and blue appeared above him, illuminating the surroundings. It had a round head, two large yellow horns, two strange curved fingerless arms, and its lower body was made of two giant blue discs. Teitus had no idea what this monstrous creature was, but he figured it wasn't anything good.

"I AM GORRE." The creature exclaimed.

"WHAT THE FUCK-" Was all Teitus could get out before the giant being blasted him with a powerful surge of energy, stripping him of his hacked form once again.

Teitus clutched at his face and screamed, "IT'S...IT'S...IT'S EATING AWAY AT MY PC!!"

Then...he was gone. Obliterated once and for all.

"YOU JUST GOT...RAINBOWNED!"

Slowly, the darkness dissipated and the room had reformed, along with Silabus and the other Rainbow Guild members.

Standing in the middle of the floor, with a blank look, was Bo.

"...YOU DID IT, BO!" Atoli exclaimed, and everyone ran over to hug him and congratulate him for his victory.

Bo, however, was so out of it that he just collapsed onto the floor and fell unconscious.

Zelkova smiled and said, "Bo was able to bring out his Avatar and Data-Drain Teitus just in time. I'm very impressed..."

Since the Shadow Warlock's HP was dangerously low, Atoli quickly healed him with a 'Repth' spell before they continued onward.

Picking Bo up over his shoulders, Silabus carried the tired little warrior as the group now made their way to the highest floor of the tower, where Sakaki resided.

'So far, only Bordeaux has been killed. Pi is staying behind two floors down and now the final fight is at hand...we can win this no problem!' Silabus thought confidently.

* * *

_In the real world..._

The nurse let out a sigh as she carried a tray of graham crackers and milk to Ryou Misaki's room. Ever since he had been admitted, the poor boy had done nothing but take about dirty man sex and 'Rainbow Power'. No one at the hospital could make heads or tails of it.

That poor child...he's been corrupted by that sinful homosexual society,' the nurse thought, 'Hmm...maybe, later tonight, I can help teach him the pleasures that only a woman can provide to a man...heh heh...'

Eventually, she came to her destination; Ryou's hospital room. Pulling out a key, she unlocked the door and walked inside...and the tray fell from her hands.

The bed was empty, and the only window in the room was cracked wide open. Luckily, his room was on the ground floor, but still...

Running out into the hall, the nurse cried, "DOCTOR! DOCTOR! PATIENT RYOU MISAKI HAS ESCAPED! HE'S RUN OFF!"

What will happen now that Ryou Misaki, the player of Haseo, has escaped from his "confinement"...?


	23. Rainbow Guild Vs Sakaki Part 1

"...How long is it going to take to get to the top?" Atoli asked by the time they had ran up the seemingly-endless staircase for about an hour.

"Just shut up and keep running!" Silabus replied.

Suddenly, just as Silabus had climbed a few more steps, a powerful force made its presence known. It was so strong that just the sense of it brought Silabus to his knees, panting and wheezing in pain. Bo slipped off his back and rolled down the stairs a bit before Atoli quickly caught him.

Lifting Bo in his arms, Atoli exclaimed, "Silabus, what the hell are you doing? Why did you stop?"

Silabus didn't answer, and now his eyes were dilated and a trail of drool rolled down his chin.

'Oh god...my head...what the hell is this weird force...it...it feels like my brain is going to crack open...ggggggaaahhhhh...it hurts...it hurts...'

Silabus clutched his head and screamed, "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"

Tabby ran over to help the poor man, but he was knocked back by some invisible barrier of sorts.

Then, out of nowhere, Sakaki's voice boomed out from above them: "Yes...he is the one...the one I need to truly complete my plan..."

Without warning, Silabus vanished instantly, and Sakaki could be heard laughing in the distance.

"Come and meet me in my throne room...if you dare." his voice mocked before all went silent.

"DAMMIT! WE NEED TO GET TO THE TOP...AND FAST!" Shino cried, and everyone picked up the pace, fearing what exactly it was that Sakaki needed Silabus for.

After running for a few more flights, the group finally reached their destination: Sakaki's throne room. It was a very wide room that looked completely different from the rest of the tower. It had a very medieval feeling to it, and a long red carpet stretched from the room's entrance to a large golden chair, where Sakaki sat with a smug grin on his face. Silabus was lying on the floor at his feet.

"Silabus!" Zelkova exclaimed as he ran towards his older lover. He was about halfway there when the ceiling above him exploded, and several large chunks of stone paneling nearly crushed him. Luckily, the boy was able to protect himself by using his scythe to deflect any falling debris.

As the smoke cleared, everyone (besides Sakaki and the unconscious Silabus) looked up and gasped; instead of seeing the sky, a giant black hole was hovering over them.

"Do you like it?" Sakaki asked as he lifted himself to his feet, "That portal is the gateway to the core of the Internet; the very 'heart' of the high-speed information-stupor highway. It is the thing that connects every TV, computer and handheld Internet devices in the world together as one. Everything I've done up to now has revolved around accessing entrance to that 'heart'."

"What exactly do you plan on doing? You've already turned every female PC in every online game ever created into a male!" Atoli snapped.

Sakaki chuckled and looked down at Silabus. "This boy...I watched a recording of when he Data-Drained that fool Teitus. After a long neural analysis on Teitus' brain waves and thought pattern both before AND after the Data-Drain, I came to the realization that Silabus' Avatar has more than just the ability to Data-Drain; it can alter one's sexual orientation!"

"Yeah...we know that already." Atoli said under his breath.

"However," Sakaki continued, "I learned something else after a test I performed by using a Data-Drain on the same frequency and level broadband, I have discovered that it switches one's sexual orientation instead of permanently changing it! So...if Teitus, who is currently a boy-obsessed pedophile, was to be Data-Drained by Silabus again, he would return to being a girl-obsessed pedophile. And that's what I want..."

"Are you going to use it on yourself so you can finally be straight like you always claim to be?" Tabby asked with a playful grin.

"NO, YOU STUPID FURRY!" Sakaki snapped, "I am going to activate Silabus' Data-Drain and use it on the Internet's core; it will cause every single person who is watching TV, on the internet or using a Blackberry or something to be affected by the Data-Drain, switching their sexual orientations and causing massive chaos!"

"...What about people who would be outside or playing video games or something at the time?" Shino asked.

Sakaki thought for a bit before meekly saying, "I...I guess they won't be affected, then."

Zelkova shook his head in disappoint. "Sakaki...there are so many flaws in that 'plan' of yours that I can't even call it a plan..."

"SHUT UP! YOU STUPID FAGS NO NOTHING! I'LL SHOW YOU ALL! I'M GOING TO TURN JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE GAY AND MAKE ALL HIS FANGIRLS CRY!" Sakaki shouted. As he yelled out, several long rainbow-colored tendrils formed all over his body. His hair became spiky and his pupils were filled with a black inky substance. His face started to crack and stretch, and his fingers became claws.

"Oh crap, this guy's gonna to go 'Wolverine' on our asses!" Atoli cried, but then Tabby stepped up and put on the Cat's Paws gloves Shino gave him a long time ago.

Flashing a smile of jagged cat-like teeth, Tabby exclaimed, "Alright, it's my time to shine! HERE I GOOOOOOOO!"

However, just as she was about to charge at him, Sakaki used one of his Rainbow Tentacles to rip into his chest and tear out his heart, killing him instantly.

Shino shrieked and ran over to his lover, but Tabby's body had already disappeared.

Saku and Aina also tried to fight, but unfortunately, Sakaki killed them by slicing them both in half before they could do anything.

"HA HA HA! MY RAINBOW TENTACLES ARE UNSTOPPABLE!" Sakaki gloated, throwing his hands in the air and laughing proudly like a maniac.

'Argh! There's only one way to stop Sakaki...and that's with Data-Drain!' Atoli thought, 'But...I can't even turn into my Avatar anymore because I hadn't used it in so long! Bo was still able to...but it takes so much out of him! Dammit, what can we do?'

Seeing that the remaining members of the Rainbow Guild were too afraid to attack, Sakaki went forward with his plan. Grabbing Silabus by the hair tail, he lifted the boy up until they were face-to-face. Leaning in close, Sakaki whispered, "Silabus...wake up. It's time for you to fulfill my desires."

Immediately after those words, Silabus' eyes snapped open. Landing onto his feet as Sakaki dropped him, Silabus looked up at the giant black hole in the sky, and nodded to himself. He closed his eyes and began to focus; soon, a series of green symbols had formed on his body.

"SILABUS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T TURN INTO YOUR AVATAR FORM!" Atoli cried out to him, but he ignored her words.

"Foolish bitch! He is under my control now! Nothing you say or do will stop him from accomplishing my completely idiotic and totally selfish desires!" Sakaki boasted.

Suddenly, just as Silabus was about to finish calling upon his Avatar, something fast flew through the sky and landed a swift kick to his face, sending the boy crashing into the wall.

Sakaki was left speechless as seven figures appeared before him, all of them hidden under brown cloaks.

"Who...who are you bastards?" he asked.

The robed man in front smirked and said, "Alright...we'll show you."

Sakaki gasped. 'No...that voice...that can't be...it isn't...it shouldn't...is it really-?'

All seven of them reached up and pulled off their cloaks, revealing themselves to be...

Haseo, Kuhn, Endrance, Yata, Ovan, Matsu and Antares!

"HOLY CRAP, IT'S YOU GUYS!" Atoli exclaimed in surprise.

"Yup, it's us!" Matsu replied with a thumbs-up.

"Wait...why were you guys disguising yourselves in the first place?" Atoli asked.

"...I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." Matsu said quietly.

"LIAR! YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!" Atoli snapped furiously.

Sakaki interrupted Atoli and Matsu's conversation by saying, "Just what the fuck is going on here? Why is Haseo here? His Player is supposed to be in the hospital! And...why are Endrance, Kuhn, Yata and Ovan here? And...why in the hell are Matsu and Antares here?"

Anatares shrugged and replied, "Haseo told us there was gonna be a party after this."

Haseo nodded and cracked his knuckles, a piercing glare directed right at Sakaki.

"Yeah, there's gonna be a part, alright, but right now we're here to kick ass and beat the shit out of you, you annoying evil faggot!" Haseo said, making an awesome 'gonna-kick-yo-ass' pose at the end.

That done it. Sakaki was sick and tired of these accusations that he was gay, and every time it drove him further and further into madness. Now...enough was enough.

"I'M...NOT...GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!"


	24. Rainbow Guild Vs Sakaki Part 2

A/N: okay, so instead of there being another chapter for the 'Rainbow Tournament', it's going to end here. Then there'll be a final two chapters that fill in some of the gaps. And a short epilogue chapter, too.

* * *

"I'M...NOT...GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!"

Sakaki's screams of fury sent a powerful shockwave throughout the tower, causing its bottom floors to collapse, crushing the pillars that actually kept this building from falling to the ground. Pi, who was still on the third floor, didn't even bother moving as he was swiftly crushed to death.

As Sakaki's yelling grew louder, thousands of rainbow-colored tentacles formed out of his body and all of them flew directly at Haseo and the others in an attempt to kill them. However, the white-haired emo wasn't going to let himself die so easily this time.

Clenching his right fist, Haseo leaped into the air and shouted, "AVATAR AWAKENING!"

A circluar symbol with spikes formed on his hand, and a burst of light erupted from within it, sucking in all of Sakaki's rainbow tentacles and leaving him powerless...for only a moment.

"Did you defeat him?" Atoli asked.

Haseo shook his head. "Avatar Awakening is nowhere near as strong as an actual Data Drain; this'll only stop Sakaki for a few seconds. Once we're done with this, though, I have alot I need to tell you guys. By the way, you look pretty cute as a boy, Atoli."

Blushing, the Harvest Cleric turned his head away.

Sure enough, Sakaki's body was beginning to regrow the rainbow tentacles again.

Looking over his shoulder to a certain red-haired Adept Rogue, Haseo ordered, "Matsu...do it now before he returns to full power!"

Reaching into his pocket, Matsu pulled out what looked like a white slip of paper with the kanji for 'AWAKEN' scribbled on it. With incredible speed and accuracy, Matsu tossed the slip and it attached itself directly to Silabus' forehead, who was still lying off a few feet away.

"What...did...you...just...do?" Sakaki asked, his fury and rage at its peak.

"Heh! We're going to wake up his Avatar, of course! This time, though, he's on OUR side!" Matsu explained in a cocky tone.

"WHAT?" Sakaki exclaimed in horror.

Sure enough, Silabus rose to his feet and the same green symbols from earlier were appearing all over his body again. Sakaki cried out in rage and sent several of his rainbow tentacles to attack the boy, but it was no use; Silabus' transformation had begun once again.

"NOW," Haseo shouted, "ATOLI, KUHN, ENDRANCE, YATA AND OVAN! TIME TO GO AVATAR! WHILE SILABUS TAKES CARE OF SAKAKI, WE'RE GONNA CLOSE UP THAT BIG BLACK HOLE!"

"But...but I can't use my Avatar state anymore! I tried, and I can't! I'm sorry!" Atoli cried, tears rolling down his face. He hated being so useless to everyone...always a nuisance and a hindrance to every person he meets...even after everything that happened to him in the G.U. series, he still had doubts in his mind of his own abilities as a person.

"Atoli."

Atoli blinked and realized it was Bo that was talking to him.

"Bo, you're okay!" Atoli exclaimed.

"Listen to me," Bo said weakly; he was still a little drowsy, "If we lose here, both you and Alkaid will become straight. That's not something you want to happen, right? Then turn into your fuckin' Avatar and stop whining, you annoying little pisshead!"

Atoli knew Bo was right, so he took in a deep breath and focused as hard as he could.

'Please...Innes...I know you're still there...please...help me! Please...I summon you!'

"NO! STOP THIS FOOLISHNESS!" Sakaki barked, and his rainbow tentacles once again tried to attack. However, the immense power radiating off of Haseo and the others' bodies stopped the murderous tendrils in their tracks.

Haseo covered his face with his hand and everyone called upon their Avatars (except for Bo, Matsu and Antares):

"I'M HERE...I'M HERE...COME ON...SKEITH!!"

"MAGUS, LET'S GO!"

"LET US BECOME ONE, FIDCHELL!"

"MY DARLING MACHA...COME TO ME!"

"I NEED YOUR POWER, CORBENIK!"

"I...I SUMMON YOU, INNES!"

With an amazing burst of light, six of the Infinity Eight Avatars were now hovering before Sakaki, who had fallen over on his ass out of shock. Behind him, there was another burst of light, and he looked over his shoulder to see that Subalis had awakened as well.

Raising a clawed hand, Subalis roared and fired a Data-Drain beam right at Sakaki. Cursing, Sakaki formed a shield around himself using the rainbow tentacles, but the beam easily disposed of them.

"THIS CAN'T BE...NO...NO...I CAN'T LOSE...NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!" Sakaki screamed as he was engulfed by the immense explosion of energy of the Data-Drain. His body shook violently as rainbow energy poured from his eyes and mouth and was sucked into Subalis' hand. As this continued, Haseo and the other Avatars flew up into the sky to deal with the giant hole.

At that moment, Bo, who was watching from the sidelines, remembered something Sakaki had said; he had actually be awake the entire time but was too tired to say or do anything.

'Sakaki had said that Subalis' Data-Drain could even change peoples' sexual orientations...maybe I can finally free myself from this pain of loving a man who can never return my feelings...' Bo thought, and he knew what he had to do.

Before Matsu and Antares could even react, Bo had picked himself up off the ground and ran headfirst into Subalis' Data-Drain beam. Smiling to himself, a single tear slid down Bo's face as he thought, 'Good bye, Haseo...I hope you and Endrance will always be happy together...'

The moment he entered it, the beam reacted to the Avatar data inside of Bo's PC...and it exploded, sending both an unconscious Sakaki and Subalis smashing into opposite walls. However, Bo was now completely gone.

Up high in the virtual skies, the six Avatars were floating a few feet underneath the giant portal. Skeith nodded to Magus, who nodded to Fidchell, who nodded to Macha, who nodded to Corbenik, who nodded to Innes. Slowly, they all rose their hands and, aiming their palms at the widening black hole, they shouted:

"DATA DRAIN!"

In a miraculous spectacle, the immense energy from their Avatars flowed together and took on the form of a giant sword. Grabbing onto the sword's handle, Skeith let out a loud victorious cry as he swung the giant weapon and slashed a large red 'X' over the portal, and it began to disperse. Soon, the portal had finally vanished.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Skeith and the others flew back down to Sakaki's throne room and turned back into their normal forms. Looking around, Haseo saw Matsu helping up Silabus, who had also turned back to normal. Sakaki was now moved to the middle of the floor, groaning in pain. Then, Haseo noticed something...

"W...Where's Bo?" he asked, fearing the worst.

Sighing, Antares shook his head and replied, "I don't really understand it myself. The kid...he just ran into Subalis' Data-Drain beam and...he disappeared."

Haseo and Atoli let out gasps and their eyes fell. 'Bo...what did you do? Dammit...' Haseo wondered sadly, knowing that it most likely had to do with his rejection of the boy's feelings.

Unfortunately, there was no time to dwell on Bo's strange actions just yet; they had to deal with Sakaki first.

Walking up to the green-haired bastard, Haseo said, "This man...this vile, disgusting pig who caused so much pain and misery throughout this fic...is not Sakaki."

Silence, and then...

"WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!"

"Are you serious? This isn't Sakaki?" Kuhn asked.

Haseo nodded. "I know, because after I escaped from the hospital since I regained my sanity, I decided the best way to stop this evil was at the source, so I went to Toru Uike's house to beat him up. However, I found out that he was currently in America on vacation. So, this man isn't Sakaki!"

"But," Atoli exclaimed, "He looks, sounds and acts just like Sakaki! If it isn't him, then who is it?"

Haseo reached down and grabbed Sakaki's face. "This is a mask," he said, "Let's remove it and learn who it is that is truly responsible for all our troubles!"

As Haseo pulled back the mask, everyone gasped as they saw the face of the true villain of this fic, but it was someone they had never expected...


	25. The End Part 1

_A month after the 'Rainbow Tournament Incident..._

After many long and sleepless days, CC2 had finally returned The World to its former glory. Mac Anu had been rebuilt, and hundreds of players traversed the streets, chatting and having fun and seeking adventure. Nowadays, talk of the mysterious 'Rainbow Tower' and its effects on the Internet were only spoke of in forums. Peace had finally returned to this beloved MMORPG.

By the docks of the little town, Silabus and Zelkova sat side by side, eating virtual ice cream. It would be only a few more minutes until sunset, and neither of them were planning on missing it.

"I'm glad things are back to normal..." Zelkova remarked as he finished off the last of his vanilla ice cream cone.

Silabus nodded and replied, "Yeah. All the girls are back to normal, so we don't need to use 'he' to describe their actions anymore."

"-And Alkaid returned to the guild, too! She and Atoli are a couple now...the beds upstairs have been occupied for days on end!" Zelkova added in.

Silabus chuckled as he recalled, "Yeah, but Silo-Grunty wasn't too happy about it. He always complained about there not being enough men in the guild. He's an asshole sometimes, but at least he's good at making sure Teitus keeps up with the agreement to never come 100 feet or less in contact with Bo or anyone in the Rainbow Guild. Feels good watching that hacking bastard suffer!"

"Yeah...and I'm glad Haseo and Endrance finally took up our offer for them to join our guild, as well." Zelkova said with a happy sigh.

After a moment of silence, Silabus then asked, "Hey, Zelkova, do you know why I have an avatar, although I'm not one of the Infinity Eight?"

Zelkova nodded and explained, "Here's what I think it is; every player in The World has an Avatar, but they can only be awoken on certain circumstances and when extreme emotions are exhibited. However, since this is a net game and you're supposed to have fun, barely anyone ever grows so enraged or so determined that they'll awaken their Avatar. Your love for me combined with your idiocy to not even tell the difference of death from a virtual game to real life allowed you to summon Subalis. That's what I believe."

Silabus didn't really understand it, but he nodded anyway and looked out towards the great wide ocean before them.

"...Did anyone ever find Bo?" he asked quietly, his tone solemn.

Zelkova shook his head. "No. We looked in every area and every server for him, but no luck. maybe he stopped playing the game."

"That could be. He really only played the game to see Haseo, anyway..."

"I just hope he's okay."

"I'm sure he is."

Another moment of silence, and Zelkova rested his head on Silabus' shoulder. "Thank god we were able to win that final battle. I'm still a bit shocked it wasn't Sakaki that whole time, though..."

Silabus nodded. "Yeah, I mean...who would have expected Gaspard of all people to be the one responsible for everything? That furry bastard! And he actually wasn't lying about not being gay, either, because his sexual orientation wasn't changed due to Bo interrupting it before the Data-Drain even finished!"

"He said he really did it because you stopped being his friend and set up the Rainbow Guild..." Zelkova remarked.

Silabus shrugged and muttered, "Meh, that furry bastard had it coming..."

Both boys glanced back and watched as the sun began to drop, covering the sky with a beautiful orange hue. The water shimmered with light as the stars started to form high above them.

Smiling, Silabus pulled Zelkova over and kissed him. "I'm really glad we're still together, Zelkova-chan...nothing will ever tear us apart." he whispered.

Zelkova grinned and planted a kiss of his own on his lover's lips.

Now, it was nightfall, and their passion as only just beginning to show...

* * *

A/N: Only one chapter and an epilogue left! OH NOES! The next chapter is going to explain about Saku and the conclusion of the AzureKnightsXKaede subplot, along with some other things.


	26. The End Part 2

_During the same time as Silabus and Zelkova's conversation..._

Saku and Aina were returning to Mac Anu after a quest when the blue-haired girl turned to her lover and said, "Saku...I have something really important to ask you."

"W...What is it?"

"Are you sure you really only first met Bo when we joined the Rainbow Guild?" Aina asked.

"Yes, of course I'm sure! I'd remember someone that looked like how he did!" Saku replied in an annoyed tone.

Sighing, Aina just apologized and followed Saku outside.

The two girls continued to walk and were almost at the town square when Aina decided to ask again.

"Are you sure-"

"OF COURSE I'M SURE!" Saku bellowed, "I'M ACTUALLY A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL LIVING IN SHIBUYA WITH NO CONNECTION TO THAT 'BO' KID IN ANY WAY! I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE A PC THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE HIS! OKAY?"

"I...I see." Aina replied, a bit shocked by Saku's outburst.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you like that...Aina-chan." Saku said meekly, blushing a bit.

Aina smiled and kissed the other girl lightly on the cheek.

"It's okay, Saku-chan. I could never hate you." she replied.

Saku's face turned deep red, and then she moved her lips over Aina's for a more passionate kiss.

'I guess there really is no connection between my darling Saku and that kid Bo after all...' Aina came to that conclusion as she and her girlfriend held hands and walked together through the crowded marketplace.

* * *

After almost a month of waiting, it was finally time. Azure Kite glanced to his brother Azure Balmung, who glanced at Azure Orca, who glanced back at Azure Kite. They were standing before a small cafe in Mac Anu, and Kanede was waiting inside to speak with all three of them.

"Do you think she'll take all three of us?" Azure Kite asked worryingly.

"Stop being so negative! Everything will work out fine!" Azure Balmung replied.

"Mmm...I hope they sell muffins here..." Azure Orca muttered, trying to keep himself from drooling.

Taking in a deep breath, the three Azure Knights entered the cafe...

...and saw Kanede sharing a deep and powerful kiss with a woman with green hair.

When they separated, Azure Kite noticed a string of saliva hanging from their lips. Kaede looked over at them and let out a gasp, and her face turned bright red. Quickly brushing herself off, Kaede waved the shocked Azure Knights over to her table. The green-haired girl had taken a seat next to Kaede, and was stroking her hand affectionately.

"I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you guys earlier," Kaede said, her face still flushed, "But this is my girlfriend...Natsume."

"Howdy!" Natsume exclaimed, but none of the three Azure Knights returned the greeting.

"So...you don't love us?" Azure Kite; he looked like he was on the verge of crying.

"It's that I don't love you guys," Kaede explained, "Well, actually...yeah, that's exactly it. We can still be friends, though."

The Azure Knights thought about this for a moment.

"...Will you buy us muffins?" Azure Orca asked with a cocked eyebrow.

Kaede nodded.

"Very well then!"

--

And so, all was right once again in The World, and the Rainbow Guild entered a new age of prosperity, thanks to the efforts of guild leaders Silabus and Alkaid. Haseo and Endrance married on Hy Brasail, the Isle of Kings; soon after that, so did Pi and Bordeaux, Shino and Tabby, Silabus and Zelkova, and Atoli and Alkaid. Saku and Aina chose to not marry until their relationship entered the next level...whatever that could be.

However, for the many years onward, the boy named Bo never returned...

--

THE END...?


	27. EPILOGUE

A/N: Well, the story's over, but this epilogue just explains what happens to everyone even after all the marriage events. I'm glad I was able to finish this before Summer ended, and I would really like to thank Azure-Link and Spikesagitta for being the only people who actually reviewed this fic when I started updating it again! Thank you both so much!

* * *

--

EPILOGUE

--

Atoli and Alkaid adopted a young abandoned Chim-Chim and took care of it like it was their own child; Alkaid worked and Atoli stayed home to watch the baby.

Silabus signed a big contract deal with an online investor and now has made millions of virtual dollars in stock exchange; he and his 'wife' Zelkova have never been happier.

Pi and Bordeaux continue to have a very active sex life with each other, and it gets even better when Bordeaux ends up awakening her own Avatar.

Teitus has given up on the Rainbow Guild and has disappeared into history, his future life unknown in the anals of time.

Haseo worked his way back up to being top Emperor again with the help of Endrance by his side.

Kuhn tried as hard as he could, but he never succeeded in losing his cyber-virginity.

Kaede and Natsume married and recieved a large home-made muffin as a present from three certain admirers. They eventually joined the Rainbow Guild.

The Azure Knights became famous for baking the best virtual muffins in The World. They even got their own 'muffin harem'.

Aura was discovered to actually be a whore.

Ovan gave up on going after Aina...and now he's lusting after his 12-year-old cousin Himeko instead.

Yata worked hard every day and night to create a human-like computer program that was even more attractive and horny than Aura.

Matsu and Antares became Star Wars Cosplayers and fought with real lightsabers.

Gaspard hung outside the entrance to the Rainbow Guild every day, hoping Silabus would return to him...but it never happened.

Sakaki returned to The World and was joyous and kind, completely unaware of what had happened during his absence.

Hiiragi gave up on planning internet games and used phone sex to keep his mind off of the drugs he was taking.

Sophora fell into a horrible depression, and eventually decided herself as bisexual and forced a marriage onto her with a wierd-looking man named Negimaru.

A surviving chunk of GlaDOS' memory data was harvested by CC2 to be used in future operations.

Aina and Saku couldn't wait any longer and they officially married about three days after saying they would 'wait until getting married'.

Silo-Grunty started a successful business as a bouncer for various night clubs and gay bars.

Bo never returned to The World, as his player, Iori Nakanishi, was now too busy flirting with women twice his age so he could lose his real-life virginity.

...And that's the end of this story.


	28. ALTERNATE ENDING

**_ALTERNATE ENDING (An alternate weird ending to the story that is not canon in this fic whatsoever since it excludes the Saku part of the ending and has different rnfinh of the Silabus/Zelkova scene and a different version of the AzureKnights/Kaede scene):_**

--

--

--

--

--

It was midnight now in The World, and Silabus and Zelkova were still making out on the docks with heated passion. However, as the older of the two boys looked up, something out in the ocean caught his eye. The water was splitting in a way that indicated a giant object/creature/person just beneath the surface was rushing towards them at high speeds.

"Hey, Zelkova...look at that." Silabus said.

Just as Zelkova sat up to see what it was, something huge burst out of the waves and flew only about three inches over their heads, landing a few feet away from their position. Shaking, Silabus and Zelkova both turned around to see what it was that almost beheaded them.

It was a giant clam.

"...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Slowly, the clam began to open...and Bo was sitting inside, looking bored out of his mind. A very drunk Hetero was lying unconscious next to the small boy with an empty sake bottle in his hands.

"B...B...BO, YOU'RE ALIVE!" Silabus exclaimed happily, still a bit confused about the whole 'giant clam' thing.

Bo scoffed and jumped out of the clam, saying, "Of course I'm alive, you idiot! It's not like I actually died when I jumped into your Data-Drain beam! This IS only a net game, after all!"

"...What's with Hetero?" Zelkova asked, pointing at the sleeping red-haired weirdo.

Bo shrugged. "I dunno. I was just having a grand old time in my clam here, when he just barges in and demands alcohol; and you know me, I never turn someone down from a drink, so I gave in and handed him a whole bottle of sake. Then, he pressed the 'turbo boost' button and we ended up flying out of the ocean and crash-landed here! Go figure!"

Silabus and Zelkova blinked a few times, trying to wrap their minds around Bo's explanation.

"So, you were inside a giant clam at the bottom of the ocean..."

"Yeah."

"Then Hetero appeared..."

"Yeah."

"You let him in and gave him sake..."

"Yeah."

"And now you're here."

"Yeah."

"I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND IT," Silabus cried as he pulled Bo into a hug, "BUT WELCOME BACK, BUDDY! I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU! LET'S GO BACK TO THE RAINBOW GUILD RIGHT NOW AND TELL EVERYONE-"

Bo shook his head and replied, "Silabus, I'm ending my membership to the Rainbow Guild."

Silabus stared at him like he was crazy.

"W...W...What?" the poor man stammered in confusion.

Bo sighed and turned his eyes away. "Listen...I'm not gay anymore. I don't want to be gay ever again. I'm now as straight as a stick, and I like it this way. So...I'm sorry."

Turning his back to them, Bo began to walk away.

Zelkova shook his head in disappointment, but Silabus...he wasn't going to let things end this way.

Closing his eyes, Silabus began to focus all of his emotions and energy until...

"SUBALIS!!"

"What the-? Silabus, what are you doing? Stop-"

Bo spun around just in time as he was engulfed by Subalis' Data-Drain beam.

"DAMN YOU TO HELL, YOU FUCKIN' SUNOVABITCH!" Bo screamed before his PC blew apart and his player's sexual orientation was reverted back to its original status.

Turning back into his normal form, Silabus clapped his hands together and exclaimed, "There we go! When he logs back on again, he'll be forced to continue being a true member of the Rainbow Guild!"

"Damn, Silabus...that was hardcore." Zelkova muttered before pulling his older lover into a passionate kiss.

* * *

After almost a month of waiting, it was finally time. Azure Kite glanced to his brother Azure Balmung, who glanced at Azure Orca, who glanced back at Azure Kite. They were standing before a small cafe in Mac Anu, and Kaede was waiting inside to speak with all three of them.

"Do you think she'll take all three of us?" Azure Kite asked worryingly.

"Stop being so negative! Everything will work out fine!" Azure Balmung replied.

"Mmm...I hope they sell muffins here..." Azure Orca muttered, trying to keep himself from drooling.

Taking in a deep breath, the three Azure Knights entered the cafe and saw Kaede sitting at a large four-person table, sipping a cup of coffee.

"Hey, Kaede!" Azure Kite exclaimed as he and his two brothers rushed over and sat next to her.

Placing her cup down, Kaede coughed into her fist before saying, "So...I believe we should bring a conclusion to what had started between us before that strange sudden interruption..."

"Damn right we should!" Azure Balmung said.

"W-Well," Kaede said, blushing, "I'm not sure if you three seem to understand this, but...I definitely cannot love all three of you at once."

Azure Orca gasped. "W-Why not?"

"Because there's one of me and three of you! That's why!" Kaede snapped.

"We can share you." Azure Balmung offered.

Kaede shook her head. "No; real love doesn't work that way. If I am to love any of you, it can only be one."

"THAT SUCKS!" Azure Orca exclaimed.

"So..." Azure Kite asked, "Which one of us do you like the best?"

"Who said I even liked any of you three as more than friends?" Kaede asked back, to which Azure Kite had no answer.

Smiling at the Azure Knight's shyness, Kaede grabbed Azure Kite by the collar and pulled him close to her face.

"Fine. It's you I want...you're way cuter than angel boy or naked man over there!" Kaede purred, causing Azure Kite to turn deep red.

"I'M NOT AN ANGEL BOY!" Azure Balmung snapped.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP CALLING ME THAT? SO I DON'T WEAR A SHIRT; I'M NOT ACTUALLY NAKED, DAMMIT! I DON'T HAVE A CENSOR BAR OVER MY CROTCH, DO I?" Azure Orca cried.

Azure Balmung glanced down and said, "Yeah, you do."

Azure Orca slammed his head on the table and broke down crying.

While Kaede was now making out furiously with Azure Kite, who was trying his best not to lose consicousness, the two other heartbroken Azure Knights looked around and noticed two female players chatting nearby:

Natsume and Asta.

"C'mon, brother," Azure Balmung said as he got up, "We're gonna bag some chicks of our own!"

"I want the one who's actually a boy in real life!" Azure Orca demanded (FYI it's Asta he's talking about).

"Whatever..." muttered the winged man.

--

--

--

"Azure Kite..."

"Yes...Kaede?"

"Let's get married."

"...OKAY!"

* * *

And now, for real this time, the story is over.


End file.
